Liam the "moving, running, climbing and jumping" extrovert
Liam's been showing signs of his extroversion practically since the day he was born, but Chris and I have always wondered if he was just less introverted than us. Could we really have produced an extroverted child?
Well. I've been reading Nurture by Nature (Paul D. Tieger, Barbara Barron-Tieger, & E. Michael Ellovich), a book about figuring out your child's temperament and Myers-Briggs 'types', lent to me by a counselor friend. And yeah. It's pretty clear that he's an extrovert in Myers-Briggs terms. In fact, we're pretty sure he's an 'ENTP' - Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving*. That makes him the first extrovert in three generations of my family (not counting cousins, and maybe an uncle). No wonder we find him exhausting!
Like the reading I've done on age appropriate behaviours, I find this so useful because it helps me to figure out when my irritation with his behaviour is an appropriate response and when I just need to suck it up.
Let me quote some bits of the ENTP profile:
"ENTP's are typically very active and excitable children. They become more wound up when people come to visit, and appear to get an adrenaline rush from being with others..."
You don't say? We always say all it takes to get Liam completely hyper is for one of his grandparents to enter the room.
And then this is really the money statement from my point of view:
"While ENTP [preschoolers] are exciting and stimulating children... because they grow bored quickly, they are rarely happy to play alone for any extended period of time. When they're awake, they seek constant interaction and engagement. [Uh huh.] They may talk so much, and so loudly, that it can sometimes feel like just too much of a good thing. [Oh god yes.] Because ENTPs think out loud, they can't help but interrupt adults to ask the many questions or make the numerous comments that just pop into their heads. They learn by experience and gentle guidance the subtleties of polite conversation. Their minds work so quickly that being asked or forced to wait their turn to speak often makes them forget what they were going to say. This can make them very frustrated, angry and tearful. Patience is definitely a learned skill for ENTPs."
Oh yeah. Introverted types (me, Chris, Mum, Dad, my step-dad, Chris's dad, my sister and my brother, to name a few), tend to think things through before they are willing to speak. Not all the time, or always completely, but as a generalisation. Extroverted types have trouble thinking without speaking.** Poor Liam. There we are, having adult conversation and not wanting to deal with his interruptions, and there he is, desperate to be interacting, and virtually unable to think without simultaneously speaking.
I like the description in the book of an extroverted girl who was having trouble (ie was disruptive) in school. Her parents suggested that she be paired with a friend to complete her desk work, which made it much easier for her to cope with sitting (relatively) quietly. While of course she would have to learn self-control in these situations, they pointed out the difficulty for her of learning "the life skill of self control" and the class room curriculum at the same time.
And then there's this:
"Because ENTPs are such brave explorers, they are just not very interested in rules or structure that seek to limit or restrict them... ENTPs are also not as motivated as other types to comply with orders simply because they are told to or in order to please their parents or other adults."
Damn. I guess that explains why we always seem to miss out on the developmental stages where the books say kids become so much easier to handle because they start to focus on pleasing their parents (notably ages three and five***).
And reading the section on Perceiving children vs judging children was an eye-opener.
Perceiving children tend to have a stretchy sense of time, get sidetracked in the middle of tasks (or before they start them), and often beg for 'one more minute'. And unlike Judging children, who like structure and rules, "Perceiving children tend to live life in resistance to limits. They are constantly pushing the edges of acceptable behaviour, incessantly questioning the reason for rules..." This is all Liam to a T. We find it so frustrating when it takes him half an hour to still not get his PJs on because of all the distractions he finds along the way, and we're both Ps ourselves. Imagine how hard it would be if we were Js!
These also sound familiar:
"Emotionally, ENTP preschoolers tend to get angry more than they get their feelings hurt." Yep.
"ENTP [preschoolers] often use adult or complex speech, sounding more grown-up or sophisticated than their years... Most ENTP toddlers love being read to... and may ask to hear the same story, or particularly dramatic parts of their favourite stories, again and again."
"They like being busy and outdoors and are rarely afraid of getting dirty..."
Uh huh. And finally:
"ENTPs usually need to be moving, running, climbing and jumping at all times. Most would be happy to have a continuous stream of friends and may be happiest with several children around at once."
Oh yeah, that's our Liam.
_____________
*This makes him 3 out of 4 the same as Chris (who's an INTP) and two
the same as me (INFP). Though actually we're not 100% sure of the T-F
continuum yet, I think that'll become clearer as he gets older - but I
think what'll become clearer is that he's a T.
**Edited to add: I should say that I'm sure grown up extroverted types have learned to think without speaking as necessary, but for small people it's hard to have to keep it in.
***Although one of the good things about five has been that he now will sit for quite a while most mornings looking at books all by himself, before we get up, or while we're showering etc. I really can't express how lovely this development is!
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