narrating kayoz

De-cluttering - the dilemma

The problem with trying to de-clutter my house is that in conflicts with my other plan to not buy anything new, to try to reuse as much as possible. How can I throw anything out/give anything away, when it might be useful some time? This is the problem I've always had, of course - it's why I am such a pack rat. But added to taking the compact, trying to teach Liam about reduce/reuse/repair/recycle, and trying to save money all at once? The urge to keep everything is even stronger.

I have managed to get a bunch of stuff out of my closet to give to Vinnie's, but even there I was less ruthless than I meant to be, and kept thinking But maybe I could use that to make something else, for the kids even. This from the woman who uses iron-on patches because sewing ones on seems far too complicated. Yeah.

On the other hand I just found a new blogger (new to me that is), who talks about sewing with fleece, which apparently doesn't even need hemming, and is fairly forgiving of mistakes. So maybe, maybe... And she did a week's worth of grocery shopping for $67 (for four!) how impressive is that?!

You Are Clogs

(Via Copperwitch)

You are a solid and down to earth person. You seek, and almost always achieve, a really sound balance in your life. You are stylish yet comfortable. Mellow but driven. Excited yet calm. You are the perfect mesh of contradictions. No matter what happens, you have the ability to stay well grounded in your life. People know that they can truly depend on you. You should live: In Europe You should work: At a company dedicated to helping the world

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Inconceivable

I'm now reading Inconceivable (Ben Elton), and while it too has it's annoyances (seriously, are there still women who think if their partner is attracted to someone else that he (or she) is effectively being unfaithful to her? Or that enjoying a spot of "choke the monkey" (his term) on his own is somehow evidence of him not being attracted to her any more? This is the Noughties for heaven's sake!), it's only taken to page 69 to have me laughing till I cried, a very good sign for a comedy.

More on the Panayotov book

I finally finished In Vitro Fertility Goddess. By the end, it finally got me in.

I assume it’s doing fairly well (here in Oz anyway), judging by the amount of publicity it seems to have had, so I wish they’d put out a revised edition – one that’s been professionally edited. Because as Leslie Cannold said, it could be a lot more readable with some editing out of repetition, and (I say) the addition of a few more pronouns and articles.

One of Sol Stein’s “little things that damage the writer’s authority” is glitches that yank the reader out of their experience. That’s what all those missing pronouns etc were for me. Leaving out a few gives an impression. Doing it all the time got annoying (quickly), as I had to keep re-reading sentences to get the meaning.

As regards the content of the book, the only part I found really got me in was the last bit when she was finally pregnant. Despite the subchorionic hematoma that had her bleeding on and off, and therefore worrying constantly, for most of the first trimester, and the placenta previa and its accompanying complications later, it made me want to be pregnant again, or more particularly, it made me want to give birth to a tiny new baby again. Also this was the part of the book where I finally laughed. Twice, even.

I can see how this part of the book might be the most annoying part to people currently experiencing infertility though. Although she suffers miscarriages and took a long time to finally achieve a sustained pregnancy, Panayotov was quickly successful once she turned to IVF. That makes her unusual, despite the cultural image we have of IVF being the quick solution to infertility. Most of the time its not. And that’s another annoyance – that the book perpetuates that stereotype – though one can hardly fault Panayotov for not faking a few unsuccessful cycles for the sake of a counter-narrative.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I have been pregnant, while I haven’t suffered from sustained infertility,* that makes the last part of the book more palatable to me. I suspect it might be as much to do with the fact that it lacks the over-the-top contempt towards pregnant women and mothers, and indeed women in general, that in the rest of the book becomes boringly repetitious at best and quite offensive at worst. It is the sort of comedy that depends on belittling and stereotyping – not uncommon, but not to my taste.

It also probably has to do with the fact that the reader knows from the start that Panayotov ends up with a baby. At least you do if you’ve ever heard her interviewed or just read the back of the book. And it’s pretty clear from the title just how she achieves that pregnancy. So there’s no page turning motivation early on in the book. It’s only once she safely pregnant, following an embryo transfer, that I started to be really interested in the outcome – how will the pregnancy go, what sort of birth will she end up with? Perhaps it’s also that at this point she starts treating other characters with some empathy instead of as cardboard cutouts put there to annoy her.

In any case, I did eventually come to care about Panayotov’s story, but it took a good while. The obsessive insanity aspect of the infertility narrative is probably something a lot of women can relate too, although I think they might relate more if it were toned down some. And of course the outcome – a healthy baby at the end – could be hopeful and inspiring to those setting out on a similar journey. But for those four years into IVF with no baby in sight (or even with a baby, but only after several years and as many egg collections), it could be downright galling.

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*We had only just begun serious investigation – ie going beyond what my GP could do – when I fell pregnant with Mikaela.

Lochie

They're not the best pics, but here he is:

New Year's Resolution:

Begin Decluttering.

I'm only beginning. I am such a packrat it will probably take years for me to learn to live more simply. Freecycle has helped a bit, but my new resolve is to go further. This year I will not only not buy new stuff, I will get rid of old stuff. I'll begin, anyway.

Lochie and Jodi Panayotov (not related to one another I hope)

It's official. We're getting a dog. Today. In about two and a half hours from now, Chris will be bringing home Lochie, who is about to become a part of our family. I wonder what Thea (our cat) will think? I don't imagine she'll be impressed, but hopefully she'll adjust. She's a mostly indoor cat, and he'll be a mostly outdoor dog. I wonder what he'll think of the chooks? Hopefully he'll scare off any foxes that might have been eyeing them off.

I have to admit it's still feeling all a bit bizarre to me. I've never had a dog, so to suddenly have a fully grown, large, enthusiastic Labrador does feel a little overwhelming. Still, he seems like a lovely fellow, and Mikaela (who came with us to meet him this morning) seemed quite impressed, although not so keen on the licking he tried to give her face. Still, she coped okay with that.

Liam was not keen on the idea when we first mentioned it on Saturday, but after we looked at some pics of a black Labrador on the web, and he saw a real one ("and it was alive") at the park yesterday, he changed his mind. He does like dogs, but he'd probably prefer a smaller one. He'd probably prefer a puppy, but frankly, I would not. No way.

Lochie is unfortunately not so good with the training, but he's okay with sit and drop, though not perfect. Chris (who's going to be the one primarily responsible for him, just like I am with the chickidees, but with a bit more effort for him) will have to work on that. His current owner said she never lets him off the lead when they are out for a walk because he just runs off, which is a shame because there are 'off the lead' areas just near us (five minutes walk) where he would no doubt have fun chasing a ball. So Chris will be working on that too. Any book recommendations on dog training much appreciated. Chris has had dogs before, but not as an adult.

In other news, what I should be doing right now is studying, but am trying to read Jodi Panayotov's book*, and am finding it rather irritating. First thought this was due to own fertile mertil selfishness (after all, only took 17 cycles and one miscarriage to conceive Mikaela so am obviously smug mother, completely oblivious to pain of others' infertility), but then realised was due to absence of pronouns, possessive adjectives and articles (definite or otherwise). Could be content also annoying me, plus putting to sleep. Though that could be fault of own sleep deprivation.

The review I linked to (which I have only just now read) suggests that the book's faults are largely not Panayotov's fault, as they are issues which a professional editor would/should have helped her deal with. Fair enough, and yes it sux that publishers don't provide that nurturing to new authors any more, but still, the fact remains that I'm finding the book a trifle hard to get through, and not "at times laugh out loud funny" at all. On the other hand if it helps to raise the issues associated with infertility and reduce the 'taboo-ness' of such openness (especially about pregnancy-loss), then it's doing something valuable. I'm just not sure many people who hadn't already lived in that world would be interested in slogging through it.

[edited to add:] On yet another hand, I've just read an article by Ms Panayotov in The Australian, which comes off rather better than the book does. I like her last line: You see, when people speak of infertility, nobody mentions that it has an insanity clause.

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*BTW, the book is called  In Vitro Fertility Goddess

A black Labrador

This morning I am feeling rather excited, because we just might be getting ourselves a dog this week. It's funny that I should be so keen, and also that I am the one that initiated the whole process, because it's Chris who's always wanted a dog, and me who's always said "Not yet." In fact precisely what I've said is "Not until our youngest child is four and finished with naps."

Well, this dog is a six year old black Labrador, so already trained (sort of - good at sit and drop anyway) and past the chewing stage. And he's used to living with a toddler, which is essential from my perspective. And I do like Labradors.

He's also got epilepsy, which is making it hard for his owner to re-home him (which she has to do for other reasons), and which may yet be a sticking point - I am hoping to speak to his vet this morning to find out what costs and trauma we might be in for if it gets more severe. At the moment it's fairly mild, but it's also recent. It won't break the deal if the vet doesn't scare me too much, but if we are going to be in for big expenses then we would really have to say no, as we are already going backwards financially (and have been since I stopped getting paid) although we are now trying to claw our way back with strict budgeting and participation in the Compact. We've agreed that if we do take him, his food will have to come out of our existing grocery budget, which is already less than it was three weeks ago, but I think we can manage that.

[This just in:] In the mean time Chris has spoken to a homeopathic vet who lives just a couple of streets from us, and she was quite positive about treating him and said she has had good success with other epileptic dogs who had not responded to conventional medicine, so that's positive.

Anyway, there it is. More later!

Updated to add: I just spoke to the vet and that didn't sound too scary or too expensive if it does get much worse, so I'll talk to Chris about it, but... it's looking good. We'll be off to meet the dog soon :)

Yes we can.

Have you see this yet?

As I said to Trish, on the day when we have an Labor government sitting in Parliament House again, on the day that opened, finally, with the long awaited Apology - Yes we can is really pretty exciting. Can we? Can they? God I hope so. 

I'm Sorry

There's a group on Facebook called "I'm Changing My Facebook Status to "is Sorry" on February 13". It gave me goosebumps to see so many of my friend's status messages all saying 'I'm sorry'. Today is really an important day for this country.

Chook pics

Here's one of the Fluffies (they still don't have individual names, but I'm working on it) standing in front of the scarecrow we made last year when we got sick of sharing eggs with the ravens.

She's a white silky, somewhere around 11-13 weeks old.

Here's one of Speckles, who in retrospect looks more red than buff - maybe she's half red Columbian Wyandotte (and half black Australorp)? I don't know...

Snug inside their straw bale house with one of the Fluffies, after being out in the rain. Silkies really do the bedraggled look well, don't you think?

Yet More Link Love: Freecycle

I think I've been meaning to blog about the wonderful thing that is Freecycle for a couple of years now and I think haven't done it, so instead, since I am clearly in a link love sort of mood (while what I should be doing is concentrating all about motherhood, maternity, in/fertility and whatnot, or at the very least playing scrabulous), I give you Freecycle. (If you don't live in Canberra you will have to search yahoo for Freecycle in your part of the world, but there probably is one.)

This is one thing that has helped me, a very little bit, to let go of my attachment to material things. I've given some really good stuff away on Freecycle (really good stuff that we had never used, but who knows? Some day we might!), and I've also received a few useful pieces.

More Link Love*: A slow year

Riana on not shopping any more:

One thing is for sure, anyone can do this. If I: a total shopping whore who drove an SUV, worked in a business that involved shipping alcohol containers into the states on major polluting cargo ships (2000 times more polluting than a big diesel truck), flew to Europe and beyond ten or more times a year- hell, I flew to Paris for the weekend from the West Coast to see my boyfriend (now my husband), then so can you.

More at These Days in French Life.

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*I think I stole this term (link love) from Trish.

feminist thoughts on motherhood: a drama in three parts

Often, though not always, the story of feminists thinking about motherhood since the early 1960s is told as a drama in three acts: repudiation, recuperation, and, in the latest and most difficult stage to conceptualize, an emerging critique of recuperation that co-exists with ongoing efforts to deploy recuperative strategies.
(Hansen, ibid, p. 5)

This comes, of course, from a book published in 1997, a decade ago now. Any suggestions for movement beyond this point, or are we still there?

Also she observes in a note that

Simons, among others, argues that the gap between between feminist repudiation and recuperation of motherhood is less "absolute" than it is sometimes said to be, and she discusses the possibility of a more "integrative feminist resolution" of this opposition.
(p. 240, referring to Margaret A. Simons, "Motherhood, Feminism, and Identity" in Hypatia Reborn: Essays in Feminism Philosophy, ed Azizah Y. Al-Hibri and Simons, 1990.)

Mother without Child

...[C]onventional sentiments about motherhood inadequately describe and serve to mystify the actual circumstances of most women who mother, even as they may also sublimate the fear and resentment of men who cannot be mothers, or of the always unsatisfied inner child. It is commonly recognized, in some circles at least, that the position of the mother in our culture and our language is riddled with its history of psychic and social contradictions. Motherhood offers women a site of both power and oppression, self esteem and self-sacrifice, reverence and debasement.
(Hansen, ET, Mother Without Child: Contemporary Fiction and the Crisis of Motherhood, University of Califorina Press, Berkeley, 1997, p. 3.)

What is taken for granted... is the relational aspect of the concept of mother. Implicitly... mother in the primary sense of the word is someone, maybe a woman or maybe not, who gives birth to a child or seeks protection and control of a child or is affectionately reverenced and looked up to by a child. The force of those prepositions is felt in feminist argument as well. ...

Certainly we cannot and should not ignore the relational components of motherhood. yet this component merits and rewards closer scrutiny. Both mother and child are problematic terms to conceptualize, not least of all because they are relational words, marking partial, quasi-temporary identities. (p. 4)

I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with this idea - if anything - but it grabs me in a way. Mother is an important identity for many, and yet it is relational, dependant on someone else.

...[L]anguage is a conventional system and what we say always bears the burden of where we have been, what we have done, and that we believe. At the same time, language can function in a prescriptive as well as descriptive way; as others have argued, women have been harmed by cultural, legal, medical and psychological discourses about motherhood. (pp. 4-5)

Link Love: more, better, newer

It will help you a lot if you get rid of the nagging need for more, better and new. This need has been created in all of us by advertising and seeing what new things our friends and neighbours have. If you can convince yourself that you really will live well and be happier living a simpler life, then also convince yourself that having more, better and new will highjack any attempt to make your life simpler. You have to redefine for yourself what success is for you. In the past it might have been an overseas holiday every year or good clothes, now it might [be] having no debt or baking bread your friends and family say is the best they've ever eaten. You can replace energy sapping activities with life affirming ones. It just takes work and time.

More at down-to-earth: Starting your simple life.

More on that sustainable, ethical living theme

After the post I wrote a week or two ago about sustainable living, I started to think - maybe we should start doing the 'no new purchases' thing - where you don't buy anything new except groceries and underwear. Anything else you need you have to find second hand. We could do it for six months and see how we go.

The next day I checked my credit card balance, for some reason, and it was more than $3000 higher than I expected - turns out where I thought I'd paid last month's horrific balance, apparently I hadn't (probably I paid online and walked away from the computer before it got to the 'confirm' screen). So our bank balance was suddenly a lot sadder than I thought, and not getting any better, what with me not earning any money until July.

So, we are now on a real spending freeze. The deal is that at least until July we buy nothing new except groceries, underwear (only if we really need it) and shoes (again, only if we really need them, but both being trained in the bodywork industry, we both feel the importance of wearing shoes that aren't too unevenly worn - which means Liam gets bought new shoes when he outgrows the last ones and I get mine resoled over and over until they simply can't be worn any more). Also, we're not allowed to buy anything second hand unless we both agree that we really need it or we buy it out of our own spending money (and $20/week doesn't go very far). Because this is not just about sustainable consumption any more, it's also about sustaining our bank balance. Also we're cutting back significantly on grocery money, plus not buying any more cling wrap!

So there it is.

And on the topic of sustainable consumption here's Jackie French:

I’m a bit suspicious of a lot of so called ‘green tips’. Badly made backyard compost can lead to global warming methane and cockroaches (The methane is the global warming culprit, not the cockroaches). And sometimes keeping your old stuff is a heck of a lot more earth friendly than buying new ‘green’ versions of cars or clothes.

A lot of ‘ green tips’ remind me a bit of a girl I knew back in the 1960’s. She decided not to eat any more chocolate till the Vietnam War ended.

It didn’t make any difference to the war of course. But she felt nice and virtuous because she was giving something up. Which is what most ‘green tips’; are meant to do- to make us feel virtuous about doing small things for the planet- recycling paper, or not having a good long fragrant soak- while we still roam the world for holidays and consume more household ‘goods’ (or bads, or just plain sillies).

Where have all my friends gone?

Liam had his first day in full kindergarten on Tuesday.

It's not much different to last year - same classroom, same teacher, same routine - just more days, and different kids.

The different kids is the hard part right now. Liam loved school last year, and was really looking forward to it starting again (for weeks he's been telling me to call his teacher and ask if they can start NOW). But I big part of his excitement was caught up in playing the same games with the same kids. So when he got there on Tuesday and most of his friends weren't there - having gone up to class one, after doing their year of 'full kinder' last year - he looked very lost.

To me that is. I watched him, standing in the middle of this huge sandpit, waiting for his best friends A and G to show up, and almost got teary. Actually I did. I wondered whether I should have told him, even just that morning, so that he wouldn't be waiting and wondering. His teacher had said not. She said if you tell them they will just worry. Let them enjoy their holidays, and when they get here they'll find out, and they'll be fine.

When I picked him up I asked him how it was, and he, as usual, said it was great. I asked if it was as good as he remembered and he said no, because it was different kids. But he said it quite cheerfully, and he was just as keen to go to school today as he was Tuesday (Wednesdays he has off still).

But today I ran into the mother of one of his old friends in the car park, and saw another but only at a distance. And on the way home I felt all sad again, but I realised: this time I wasn't feeling sad for him, I was feeling sad for me. These mothers, my friends who I hung out with at drop off and pick up last year, have moved on without me. Sure, I'll still see them around, we'll still have a few play dates (when they can be fitted in around school - weekends I suppose), but it won't be the same. They've moved on, and I'm still in kinder. And I'm going to miss them.

The fluffies and their sisters

Yesterday I went to Hall Markets with my Mum, who bought me some new chickens for a belated birthday present. Actually they're little more than chicks really, 10 or 12 weeks old, and very cute.

We got two white Silkies and two Australorp-Wyandotte crosses. Liam and I named the Wyandotte crosses Dottie and Speckles (short for Dottielorp and Spekulaas-Wyandotte). Dottie looks more like her Australorp parent, while Speckles is more like her Wyandotte parent, who I think must have been a either a buff laced or blue laced Wyandotte, based on the pics on the Australian Wyandotte club site. But we can't tell the Fluffies apart yet, so we are just calling them that - Fluffies They really are very cute.

I had hoped to get some blue or buff Silkies, but they didn't have any there, and I could bring myself to wait another month, so white it is.

Pics to follow at some point when it's not pouring with rain outside. (Yay rain! In my favourite chook book, Backyard Poultry Naturally, Alanna Moore has a chapter about different breeds, and for some of them she says they need a nice dry run. Luckily she doesn't say that about Silkies, Australorps or Wyandottes!)

Rules of an infantocracy

"The most important was this: If both children are crying, no adults can cry. Hard to follow, but vital." (Kim Todd of the period after her twins were born, in 'Under the Skin, Lesson's in Transformation' at Literary Mama)