The problem of unrealistic expectations

Sometimes lately I seem to be yelling at Liam all day. Not screaming, angry yelling, but definite voice raising and frustration. And the subtext, I think, is often "Don't be so stupid!" Not that I would ever say that to him: I wouldn't. But that's part of what I'm feeling I suppose. Quite aside from the fact that I don't think yelling is a great parenting tool, the fact that this is happening a lot leads me to think - either he is stupid (and he's not) or I must be expecting too much.

I know that in fact I do expect too much, I've been catching myself at it ever since he learned to talk in reasonably coherent sentences. His language skills trick me into thinking he's rational, even though I have read over and over that rationality, logical thinking, and understanding of consequences, is all very slow to develop, and really only just beginning at the age he is now - six. So why do I have so much trouble converting this intellectual knowledge into practical parenting?

An aside about blogging every day: one of the effects of this is nothing-posts like yesterday's, but a good effect is posts like this one. I was just thinking about this while I prepared dinner (while the kids are in the bath), and normally I'd think - 'I should blog about that' - but never do it. Because I'm trying to post everyday, this time I decided to take the couple of minutes I have before the kids emerge to post something. Not a long, thought-out analysis maybe, but at least the kernel of thought, and the record of a parenting challenge.

Comments

[Harry Caldecote]

"His language skills trick me into thinking he's rational"

Spot on. If a kid shows grown-up-type tendencies or qualities, it can incline us to over-estimate his or her ability to cope with the world.

Our eldest boy actually is pretty rational, in the sense that at age 7 he has a reasonable grasp of cause and effect etc.

However, what with him being a good talker and reader and seeming to understand most of what goes on, as well as being very self-possessed, I find that we can end up treating him as though he is older than he is - in fact more or less as we would treat an adult sharing our living space. He always ends up getting fewer hugs and kisses than his more outwardly affectionate little brother - partly because he seeks them out less but also partly because, with him acting older, unless you stay alert, you wind up treating him more as an extra adult than as a little boy. Every so often it comes flooding out of him that he is just a little child and you feel like a numbskull for being so out of touch.

Being in the moment for each stage of childhood and not getting ahead of yourself is one of the trickiest parts of being a parent.