Why is it that so many people are so focused on the idea that if you just 'relax about it', pregnancy will happen? I know there are those people who just have to look at each other and whoosh - another baby is on it's way. But those people don't need to relax either, they just need to bonk.
For some reason I was thinking, while I ate my breakfast of fresh eggs (from the garden) and tomatoes and basil (from my cousin's garden), about a time I was telling a friend how we'd conceived Mikaela* the month we finally went to see a fertility specialist. Her response was something like "Maybe because you'd finally let go, deciding you could leave it up to the specialist, you were able to relax enough for it to happen."
I was so glad to be able to come back with the fact that actually, that was the month I said "Right, we are having s-x every other day for the whole bloody month," in a last ditch effort to get pregnant before medicine stepped in. But even so, I'm not sure I convinced her.**
I know I've said this before, And I'm probably preaching to the converted, but I'll say it again anyway. Actually I'll make a list:
The reason people with in/sub/curious fertility problems get so focused on the outcome of each cycle, is because of the in/sub/whatever fertility. It's not the other way around.
Studies have found that being 'relaxed' does not help with making babies. Actual studies. Somewhere I even have references, but they're out in the 'rolfing studio' with all my other material from my masters project, so right now you're just going to have to take my word for it.
Telling people that they should just relax not only makes them tense it makes them cross. Shut up.
Yes, it's true, I knew all about how to tell when I was ovulating etc before I even started trying to get pregnant with Liam - I'd been using said knowledge to avoid conception beforehand. So maybe I was a little more focused on having s-x at the right time etc than some people are, even from the first month. But for the record? It only took three cycles to conceive Liam. So I guess I didn't need to 'relax about it' then either.
Also, it only took four cycles to conceive the second time, and two the third! It's just those conceptions both ended in miscarriages. So go on - tell me it was my fault I miscarried. I must have been too focused on it. Okay, maybe that's not what you mean when you tell people to 'just relax', but it is actually what you're saying.
I've posted this poem before but it's so good I'll do it again: Trying to Conceive By Marion Cohen
Anything. I'll do anything—
Temperature charts, Tes-Tape, litmus paper, Abstinence to maximize sperm count,
Lying on my back with a pillow under my behind and
my legs up like a bettle,
Vitamin A, Vitamin E, zinc, manganese.
Anything. I'll do anything—
But please—oh please—don't ask me to just relax.
_________ *After 17 cycles of trying and one miscarriage, for anyone coming in late. ** And just in case you think I'm talking about you, the fact is I don't remember who I had this particular conversation with - maybe because I've had different versions of it many times - so maybe I am!
Web 2.0 in government - it is fun to be getting to be part of this conversation (in my work, not on my blog - because of the tiredness y'see). Interesting post from Lindsay Tanner (and some interesting comments) on his blog at fairfax digital.
Funny things Mikaela is saying these days - like how she says 'Munooz' for both muesli and music. I keep meaning to record all this for the 'baby book', but I am not doing very well lately.
How Liam thinks he is going to be Joseph in his school nativity play on Friday morning - he's pretty sure, he says, because he was Joseph again in the practice today and he can carry the candle really straight. This is a sweet little play they do in kindergarten where all the kids sing the whole thing, but some kids also have 'parts', while others are the angels who file in around the outside. It lasts for maybe ten minutes (including the procession in), and then we all get morning tea and school is over for the year.
The vegie garden, which is finally starting to look like one - we are picking silverbeet and snow peas and stacks of parsley and will very soon be picking zucchinis and cherry tomatoes as well.
How Liam decided he wanted to get involved in the garden and so he has his own little patch in which we (he and I together) have planted potatos and cucumbers (I know, not really a match companion planting-wise, but they were two things we hadn't been able to fit into the main garden).
Our littlest Silky chook who has (I think) Mareks disease, which I am treating with, I kid you not, a mix of cranberries, brazil nuts, garlic, plus to drink pomegranate juice and gatorade. I got it from a chook forum (okay, I'll find the link... Backyard Poultry forum), and it seems to be helping.
Out new car, which we've converted to run on LPG which I'm pretty sure is a good thing (and was helped by a $2000 government rebate) (but how we have to hurry up and sell the old one so I don't get into the habit of driving to work like I did today).
How hungry I am right now
But how I need to go to bed and so I think food - and more blogging - will have to wait for another day.