narrating kayoz

Meditations for kids

Following a post from Trish a while ago at Imperfect Parent, I borrowed a book from the library called Meditations for Kids, by Kids. It's not the book Trish was talking about (which was The Wishing Star: Meditations for Children) - they didn't have that one in the library. But I liked the idea of reading a meditation with Liam each night before he went to sleep, so I thought I'd try the one they did have.

It's been a good experience. We've been right through the book once, and are half way through again. Sometimes Chris reads him a meditation after Liam and I have finished our 'book & chat' time and I have gone off to nurse Kaely and put her to bed in our room. Or sometimes if Liam is still awake when I've got Kaely down, I read him one then.

Each of the meditations is written by one of four kids in a family. The youngest was, I think, four at the time of writing (he's only got one or two in there) and the oldest was about ten (she has a lot). They all have the same basic structure - you go into your peaceful garden, hang your worries on the worry tree, take a few deep breaths, let go etc. - and they tend to have lots of comments about being safe and loved.   In the middle of that, some are rather quirky. But all are engaging, as far as Liam is concerned. One includes a dolphin ride into the quiet depths of the water. Another involves Pixies. Many involve friendly talking animals.

At first Liam said he wasn't going to 'do' the meditation, he just wanted to listen. Now he tends to close his eyes as he listens and take the deep breaths when instructed, but he still often bounces up at the end to ask for another one. Recently when he did that I told him the idea was to stay relaxed afterwards and let himself drift off to sleep. I don't know if he took that to heart, because I haven't read him one since then, but last night after our goodnight kiss and cuddle he said "I think I could just lie here and drift off to sleep now," so maybe he did take it in. Either way, I think we'll keep up the habit of bedtime meditations. It's a soothing way to end the day (and lets face it, the pre-bedtime part of the end of the day is usually anything by soothing), and I like the idea of Liam gradually developing the skills of mediation, or at least of relaxation.  It's something we could all do with more of.

From Hi-5 to Finn Brothers - which would you prefer?

One of the great things about having a six-year-old child, as opposed to a four-year-old, is the music.

When Mikaela was born Liam was right in the middle of an obsession with a single Hi-5 CD, which lasted several months. We heard that album over and over and over again. So did my mum and step-dad. Poor Mikaela, it was her main introduction to the world of music!

But later that year, he has developed a taste for adult music.

In quick succession, Liam decided he liked Indigo Girls, Crowded House, Victoria Stanborough, Tori Amos and others. His latest craze is with the Finn Brothers (Neil & Tim Finn).

There is a down side to this, which is that we are 'forced' to listen to the same albums and some times the same songs, over and over, before he gets sidetracked by something else and moves on. For instance, he's been in love with one of the Finn Brothers' albums now for several weeks, and so while I occasionally manage to get something else into the car CD player, that one CD has been in their on repeat for most of that time. And it's only a relatively recent preference for Liam. Even one's favourite music can eventually get worn out under those circumstances, but on the other hand - it's still better than listening to Hi-5!

The sound of metal on metal

We were very nearly in a car accident yesterday.

I was driving down the Parkway (freeway, speed limit 100kph, two lanes each way), on the way to drop Liam at school. It was raining, though not hard, and the traffic was slow. Up ahead I noticed a car swerve into the left hand (slow) lane, perhaps thinking that we were going to have to merge anyway, if there was an accident up ahead, but then a few cars later it swerved back into the - now slightly faster - right lane. Why people do this is a mystery to me. It simply cannot make that much difference to how quickly you get where you're going, and frankly, it's dangerous. My suspicion is that someone doing exactly that is what caused the accident we weren't quite in.

Traffic was slow, as I said, but still moving along okay. I would guess no accident up ahead, just Canberra drivers in the rain. The brake lights of the car in front of me came on, so I gently slowed also. Then I realised there was nothing gently about the slowing, the traffic was almost coming to a stop suddenly. So I put my brakes on significantly harder. Luckily tailgating is a pet peeve of mine, so I had plenty of room. It did cross my mind though, as I quickly slowed, to hope that the driver behind me was paying attention. She was. Unfortunately the driver behind her either wasn't, or hadn't left enough room.

There was a thunk and a crunch and as I glanced into my rear view mirror I saw the car once-removed behind me bouncing off the one immediately behind. I think the rest of the traffic managed to steer clear, and both cars were moving off the road, even as I was wondering if I should stop, and realising that I couldn't, being in the right hand lane and already moving on.

I hope no one was hurt. I told Liam - who had clearly heard the accident, though not seen anything - that they seemed to be okay, as they were both able to drive off the road, but of course, I don't really know.

It really drove home for me how easy it is to be in an accident. I mean, I never have been (touching wood as I type) and I've never even seen one happen before. Though once, as Chris and I were heading down to Melbourne in the driving raining, a car spun out of control on the other side of the road, spun onto the median strip, and looked very likely to spin off it right into our path. But didn't. The driver managed to get control finally, just before he hit our side of the road.

But that's just it. In either of those cases, there was nothing we could really do. Certainly for the driver behind me yesterday, she did everything right, but still, someone crunched into the back of her.

Last year one time Liam accidentally peed in his car seat, and the next day (while the cover was drying) I let him sit in the middle seat with just a lap belt, just to drive across the suburb. I went at 40kph the whole way. A few weeks later I read of a girl - about four or five I think, I can't quite remember - who was in a car accident driving in a school (40) zone. She was only wearing a lap belt too. And she died, of internal injuries caused by the belt. I've never let Liam do that again. And I know, it's highly unlikely to happen, but the thing is, sometimes accidents do happen, and you can't actually control the when.

Crafty autumn days

Liam's school had their annual autumn picnic on Sunday. Normally I would say 'we' had it, especially since as class co-ordinator of Liam's class I was involved in some of the organisation, but actually I didn't go - I was at home trying to re-write my essay for my master's project (which is driving me up the wall at the moment, but that's a whole other post!).

The autumn picnic is usually a lovely family day, with everything from sack races to sausage sizzles to home made soup to the craft table (the organisation and running of which is job of us kindy parents). This year it turned out to be the coldest day of the season so far, but a good time was still reportedly had by all.

Liam made this gnome and gods-eye at the craft table. Someone showed him how to do blanket stitch and got him started on the gnome and he did the rest himself, and the gods-eye he did completely by himself, having made his first one at the school's Spring Fair last year.

This is one of the things I love about Orana. All the 'hand work' they do. This year Liam has mastered finger knitting and French knitting in kindergarten, he brought home a little basket his teacher sewed for him out of his finger knitting, and is now working on the French knitting - two strands of wool at once too (for both finger and French). They don't learn to write until class one (next year), but this handwork is part of the way they prepare the hands and mind for that sort of handwork. And in class one they also start 'proper' knitting. I think they start with knitting socks or something, and progress to a hat at some point (maybe in a later year though).

I was never very crafty as a child - oh I learned the basics of knitting and French knitting, but I never actually completed a project. I all but failed 'textiles' (sewing, weaving etc) in year seven. I did do a short course in sewing with stretch material when I was about 18, out of which I got a few clothes and my still very basic sewing skills. But that's about it. So I love the fact that Liam is learning some of these basics right at the beginning of school, and will continue to do so through the years.

Meanwhile I, as you know, am going to knit a dishcloth. And I'm going to attempt to make Kaely a sleeping bag. She is fast outgrowing the one she's in now, and I haven't been able to find any in op shops (thrift stores), so I put a request for a size 3 sleeping bag on freecycle,* and someone responded with the offer of a pattern, and said she may even be able come up with some old bits of fleece for me to use. So I'm going to give it a go. I may just become a handy person yet.

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*I find this a challenging part of the whole 'no shopping' compact - asking for things. A lot of stuff I haven't been able to find second hand, and while in some cases that can just mean we don't buy it, some things we really do need. Okay, true, we don't *really* need them. Mikaela could wear a couple of extra layers to bed (she won't keep blankets on yet) and we could move her to a mattress on the floor (she's not safe in the cot without the sleeping bag any more, she can climb out). But... we need them enough, if you know what I mean.

So, I decided to start asking for things on freecycle. That's the whole point, after all, of freecycle - to move things around to where they will be used. But I do find it challenging to ask for 'handouts', especially as there seems to be a general philosophy that it should be more for giving than receiving (for instance I think the rules say you can't put a WANTED on until you've put an OFFER on). So I decided that I would have to put an offer on for every wanted I put on.** Not that that's a bad thing - after all, I am also trying to declutter. But even then, I do find the asking a little confronting. See how I am going into this long explanation about how I put 'offers' on and not just 'wanteds'? I find this discover about myself sort of interesting.

** (Footnote to the footnote:) So far I've put on two wanteds and two offers and got requests for both the offers, but for the wanteds have gotten a loan (which is good actually - it's a mini tramp for Chris to work his ankle on, and we're happy to be able to give it back at the end) and the offer of advice on how to make the item. So if this goes on the decluttering could become a reality. I still need to find things to put up for offer so I can request boys size 4/5 PJs, long sleeve tops & long pants - which I am counting as three separate requests. I am sort of wishing I kept those bags of clothes I finally give to Vinnie's (charity) the other week though.

Trying to remember the effect of exhaustion on children's behaviour

Liam's in the middle of a big weekend.

Yesterday after school (which finishes at 12:30 on Fridays in the kindergarten) we had his friend R over until his Dad could come get him after work, which ended up being about 6:00. Then we up and decided to go out to dinner,  despite still being on a spending freeze, despite Liam being of course quite exhausted. I don't think Kaely's ever been out to dinner before, that's how often we do this (Liam might have been out two or three times in his life before). But she'd had a long nap - normally I wake her by 3pm to ensure an orderly bedtime, but with R here all afternoon I decided to cut myself some slack and she ended up sleeping until 4:15! - so she was fine.

Then today we had another friend, S, in the afternoon. When her mum came to get her (shortly after five) she and Liam were just about to start colouring in*, so her mum dashed off to the shops and they ended up not going till I guess fairly close to six too. We also had visits with my mum and from Chris's dad today, so it's been a social sort of day.

And finally tomorrow - forecast to be the coldest day of the season so far, truly wintry - they have the autumn picnic on at Liam's school, which is the big family event of the season. I'm not going, because it's my writing day and I only have three weekends left before it's all due in (gotta try doing a substantial re-write of the essay tomorrow). I was feeling quite sad about missing it, but now I've seen the forecast, I'm feeling sort of lucky. Chris and the kids will still go though. And I imagine they'll have lots of fun.

But, even this morning Liam was already showing signs of being tired, after his big day yesterday. By this evening he was getting quite annoying (though he was fine up until the moment S left), and I really had to try to remember that he's overtired. By tomorrow night I hate to think what he'll be like. And unfortunately he has swimming after school Monday. After this sort of weekend I would probably keep him home from that, but it's the last class of the term, and he doesn't go back until Spring as the centre is closing down for the winter to do some work. I'm almost wondering if I should keep him home from school Monday instead. I guess I'll play it by ear, but either way I must remember: Liam is tired, and tired children find it hard to behave 'well'. Must remember!

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*Before this, in the three or so hours S had been here, they had built a boat (a box with a small broom for a mast), played with cars, done chalk drawing outside on the driveway in the freezing cold (but under cover from the on-again off-again light rain), rolled wool into small balls suitable for making gods-eyes, started making gods-eyes, and very briefly played with lego. S had also had fun playing outside with Mikaela, and told me several times she wished Kaely was her little sister.

Free play builds intellect

After school yesterday we had a play date with one of Liam's best friends, B, who doesn't go to 'our' school, but goes to one nearby, and two other mutual friends (twins) who used to go to B's school but now goes to Liam's.

The kindergarten playgrounds are enclosed, but the class one & two playground is out in the open, so we sometimes go down there after school finishes for a play, and that's what we did.

The boys (and one girl, B's four-year-old sister) played really well together, for over two hours. By the time we finally dragged them away it was getting dark and I had to call Chris to warn him that he'd be home before us, and could he please get something out of the freezer for dinner.

They played with sticks and logs and rocks and dirk (mud, really) building a 'dam' below a pond that the class-two children had built during the day. They filled it with bore water from a tap, using a big saucepan they found in the sandpit. It did leak a bit, but overall I have to say they did an amazing job, working together with virtually no supervision (their mum's being busy talking and supervising the toddlers), and no noticeable conflict.

One of the things their mum's were talking about was the importance of free play. B's mum, S, (one of my S friends) was telling us some recent research she'd heard about, that found that at this age free play is the most important factor in developing intellect.  And as we watched them 'working' none of us found that at all surprising. S's kids don't go to the Steiner school (though she's torn about it), but since free play is what they are doing a good 80% of the time in the Steiner kindy, the other two of us were able to feel quite smug.

Turning a corner (Liam at six)

The other week (month) I was saying to my Dad that the toddler age is so much fun because they are developing and changing so quickly, but it's not too hard yet to figure out what to do (not like with a five year old, let alone - oh the horror - a teenager).

But you know what? Watching a five/six year old develop is really fun too.

Liam seemed to take a big leap in his social development in the first term after school went back this year. At almost exactly five & and half we started having trouble knowing what to do with him - he started throwing tantrums, which he'd never done before, and just generally being difficult. Then I read that that's pretty normal at five and a half (the 'new tantrum age') and OMG it gets worse at six.

But when Liam was almost six things started looking up, and they are still good two months on. Not that everything is peachy all the time, of course not, but it seems to me that he has come through to a new place. He is one of the 'big kids' now at school (they have two years in together for kindy, instead of having four/five-year-old preschool and five/six-year-old kindergarten separately), and he seems to be taking to the role with surprising - well, it's a weird thing to say about a six year old, but - maturity. He's starting to get into being 'good', for perhaps the first time in his life. And boy it's nice to see.

For instance, last year after school he and two of his (older) friends would put their backpacks on their front and 'boom' into each other. Their teacher (J) repeatedly told them to keep their backpacks on the back, but it had no noticeable effect. Then one day last term I got to school and Liam and two (new) kids were doing this. I said - quite mildly - "What does J say about having your backpack on your back?" Liam immediately took his off and put it on his back, and told the other kids to do the same.  This is not the same child who finished up his first year of kindy in December, it's just not.

Another example.  One morning we got to school and Liam's friend R called him over to help them 'make poison for B'. B is a child Liam has mentioned a number of times as mucking up, being 'naughty', etc. In fact he bit Liam one day a few weeks before this incident (Liam was trying to take something from him at the time). But when I got there in the afternoon Liam ran over to me saying "Mummy, I have some really good news!" He was so excited to tell me that he is now "helping B be good." He's being friends with him, and showing him how to look for bugs. What more could a friend want?

What does an eight year old do with a mobile phone?

A week ago Liam told me that he would really like a mobile phone of his own. Liam, I remind you, is six years old.

Today Liam was playing with an older boy - maybe eight - at the playground, and this boy was showing Liam his mobile phone.

Chris (who told me this story tonight - I was of course working on my essay all day) said to Liam afterwards that really, that boy was a little young to have his own phone.

"No he's not," Liam said, "He knows how to use it and everything."

"How could I tell he was too young to have his own phone?" Chris asked me tonight, "He was sliding it down the slippery dip."

Yeah.

I told Liam last week - maybe when he's sixteen. Ask me again then.

The problem of unrealistic expectations

Sometimes lately I seem to be yelling at Liam all day. Not screaming, angry yelling, but definite voice raising and frustration. And the subtext, I think, is often "Don't be so stupid!" Not that I would ever say that to him: I wouldn't. But that's part of what I'm feeling I suppose. Quite aside from the fact that I don't think yelling is a great parenting tool, the fact that this is happening a lot leads me to think - either he is stupid (and he's not) or I must be expecting too much.

I know that in fact I do expect too much, I've been catching myself at it ever since he learned to talk in reasonably coherent sentences. His language skills trick me into thinking he's rational, even though I have read over and over that rationality, logical thinking, and understanding of consequences, is all very slow to develop, and really only just beginning at the age he is now - six. So why do I have so much trouble converting this intellectual knowledge into practical parenting?

An aside about blogging every day: one of the effects of this is nothing-posts like yesterday's, but a good effect is posts like this one. I was just thinking about this while I prepared dinner (while the kids are in the bath), and normally I'd think - 'I should blog about that' - but never do it. Because I'm trying to post everyday, this time I decided to take the couple of minutes I have before the kids emerge to post something. Not a long, thought-out analysis maybe, but at least the kernel of thought, and the record of a parenting challenge.

Busywork, blogging and bandannas

Thursdays are my busywork days. Every day is a busy day, but Thursdays are the day I do housework and cooking and so on. Also they're my only 'free' day, that is, my only day without a regular commitment (aside from school drop off and pick up), and aside from Tuesdays (when I usually hang with my cousin and her two daughters, four months older and twelve months younger than Mikaela), most of our regular commitments are structured around Liam. So I tend to use Thursdays to make any social engagements I might want to make for myself, or for Kaely.  Hence the state of my house (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it).

Today I had my Dad over (which involved driving over to the other side of Canberra and back - about twenty minutes each way - to pick him up, and again to return him, though we did that as an extension of school pick up) but also tried to get the busywork done. I did cook a huge pot of chicken passata, and tidy up a bit. I also did a load of washing, but thanks to Kaely only taking a 25 minute nap (courtesy of having dozed off on the way back from picking up Dad I think), I forgot to hang it out. Damn.

Actually, what I meant this post to be about was the fact that I have posted every day so far in May. That has surely got to be a record. I noticed the trend on about the 3rd, and decided to try to keep it going for a week. Then today I knew it would be hard to find time (what with the busywork, and the exhaustion that usually arrives on Thursday night as a result of not sitting down all day. Not that that's particularly unusual, I'm exhausted every night!), so I thought, 'Well, if all else fails I'll just put up a post pointing out that I posted every day for a week. Even if one of those days was just a quote from someone else.' But now the kids are in the bath (supervised by their fabulous father) and because I cooked this morning, I have dinner taken care of. So I can sit here and rabbit on about busywork and blogging.

Oh, my first mate (Liam) is calling, having finished his bath. I think I need to go tie a bandanna on his head, as all good pirates have.

Anyway, did you notice, I posted something every day for a week? And now I've started another week. I wonder how long I can keep it up for?

The longevity of labels

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about her experience of being given a label as a young child, and how she wants to avoid that with her children. I'm not talking the extreme sense of labeling with diagnoses, but in the more general sense - he's such a bossy boots, she's just like her aunt.

My friend had had this label applied to her at a young age (just like your aunt*), meaning she was the selfish, self centred one in the family. She carried that label through into adulthood (as had her aunt), and anything she did that supported it was remembered, anything she did that negated it was ignored. Which of course is the normal way we humans approach life generally. We notice and value evidence which supports our beliefs and disregard that which doesn't. She told me that after several years in a caring role (living with an elderly parent), she finally shed some of the stigma of the label, yet it still comes up from time to time. It clearly was a big deal for her earlier in life, and still affects her now.

This made me think about the labels Liam is given. I have always tried to avoid them, but the older and frankly more challenging he gets (while remaining a lovely child really), the more I find myself thinking them, at the very least ('little brat' comes to mind, though I've never actually said it!). And people certainly do use them to his face - bossy, is the one I am particularly thinking of, though no doubt there are (and will be) others.

I guess it's inevitable, to some extent, that accumulate labels as you age. Extrovert, introvert, confident, shy, funny, serious, active, musical, whatever. Of course it's the negative ones that I particularly want to avoid. But others can also be molding and limiting: shy, serious, even funny. Even labeling a child as confident could limit their ability to show their vulnerabilities and ask for help when they need it. I don't know how to completely avoid those labels - even for myself - but I guess it helps just to be aware of their power.

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*Co-incidentally one of my sisters-in-law had the exact same label given to her, and was even named after this aunt, and still, as a women in her fifties, suffers the stigma of that label within her family.

A sunny autumn day at the park

This morning when I got up (after a bit of a sleep in, only somewhat disturbed by Liam yelling right outside my door from time to time), Liam said to me
"Mummy, I have an idea."
"Yes?" I said "What is it?"
His idea was that we should - as soon as he got dressed - walk down to the oval to practice playing soccer (or football, as we now call it in Australia, aligning us with most of the rest of the world). It was a good idea, though it had to wait a little longer than he planned - for me to get dressed, get Kaely dressed, have breakfast, and generally wake up.
It would have been nice to take Lochie down with us, but as he is still not well trained to the leash I decided not to - it's too hard to control him and the stroller at the same time. In fact, last night he managed to get out of his 'soft collar' (which goes around neck and snout and makes him a little easier to keep hold of) and run off. A black dog in the dark - not easy to find. In the end he did come home, but I wasn't going to risk it happening again today.
Anyway, eventually we got organised and went for a lovely walk on this perfect autumn day. It's less than a ten minute walk down to the ovals Liam had in mind, but we managed to be out for nearly two hours by the time we played soccer, met some dogs, played some more and walked home - Kaely deciding she would walk, rather than ride in the stroller for most of the way home. The only sad part of the day was how unfit I was proved to be, by getting puffed fairly quickly while running around trying to get the ball from Liam. Actually there was another sad part, which was that Chris was working. But in only four more weeks I will be finished uni for the year, and then we will have Sundays off all together as a family. I am looking forward to that.

protecting privacy

Last night I cooked dinner from a recipe I found on another blog. Later I heard Liam telling Chris this on the phone (Chris being in Melbourne for work), and I starting thinking about Liam and blogging.

I remembered that Dawn mentioned a while ago that Noah wanted his own blog, and I thought - that will be Liam one day in the not so distant future. I've already started talking about blogging to him, a very little bit, so the idea that I am talking all about our lives on the world wide internet won't come as a shock down the track!

But then I started thinking: if Liam will want his own blog, probably some of his friends will as well. Which means they'll be reading blogs. Which means they could, conceivably, come across this blog. With funny (and not so funny) stories about Liam from the moment of his birth (leaving aside for a moment the unlikelihood of a prepubescent boy reading the blog of a boring middle aged women, with no sexy photos or nothin'). And while I haven't put many photos of Liam up since he was about three, it wouldn't take long to figure out that it was him I was writing about. So maybe, I thought, I should have used pseudonyms for the kids.

So I'm wondering, if you blog about your kids - do you use pseudonyms? And why do you, or why don't you? And are you happy with that decision?

Difference - and the lack of it

We went to the birthday party yesterday of one of Liam's (new) school friends, whose mother I only know a little. Meaning we've introduced ourselves at school and say hello to each other but that's all. The invitation had the parents' names on it, and one of them was a gender neutral name (is there a better way to say that?), while the other was the name of the mum I knew. I confess I was hoping the dad would turn out to be a second mum. He didn't.

Even though my best friend is one half of a pair of mums, we don't have any two-mum (or two-dad) families in our immediate circle here in Canberra. Similarly we don't have many people of colour in our immediate circle. Hell, we barely have any single parent or 'melded' families around us. Though I'm guessing that that, as least, will change as the kids get older (not that I'm wishing divorce on anyone! Just being realistic.) One of the downsides about living in Canberra - it's overwhelmingly made up of middle class, Anglo-Saxon, heterosexuals. They're also largely educated and left wing, which admittedly is quite nice, and probably largely 'tolerant' of difference. But then again it's easy to be tolerant of difference when you're rarely confronted with it.

For this reason I try to surround Liam with books and TV shows that show people who are different to him. Happily, Liam's teacher is of a different ethnicity  I'm very bad at even noticing, much less picking this, but I guess of Asian descent? And another of my best friends is half Japanese. She and her extremely cute one year old stayed with us for a few days in January, but unfortunately (for us, and not just because she's Japanese either, I hasten to add!) she lives overseas most of the year. But all in all I feel like I need to make more of an effort to expose Liam to difference - different families, different looks, different cultures. I'm just not quite sure how to go about it. Short of moving to Melbourne of course.

what I have been thinking lately (roosters, dogs, kids and writing, for instance)

I don't seem to be doing much with this blog lately. Even the baby book entries mostly just get written in my head, and end up being simple lists of words when I finally get something out.

It's frustrating because I have things to write about.

The kids, of course. How Liam seems to have turned a corner from the (slightly difficult) five and a half year old he was, to the six year old he is now, even though the books say six is supposed to be harder. How I think school plays a part, since he's now one of the older kids in his class (which has two years together, 4-6 year olds) and he seems to be feeling the responsibility (in a good way). How Mikaela is so delightful just now, but I'm still a bit afeared about what is around the corner, because she is such a determined little thing.

About future plans too. How I had a little freak out the other week that if we had another child we might end up with a "special needs" child of some sort and be stuck in this part of our lives (the part with seriously dependent beings) forever. But how I'm moreorless over that now and feeling a bit excited about starting to try to get pregnant again in a few months time, despite the very real possibility that it will take even longer than last time (me being 36 and Chris almost 40 now) or that it won't happen at all.

And that would naturally lead into the post where I suddenly remembered the fertility specialist saying to me that I might, possibly, have an early menopause, because of only having one ovary and who knows, the other one might not be all that great either (though I secretly think it is), and me suddenly realising the other day that I don't want to go through an early menopause for more reasons than just fertility - which is what I had focussed on up to now.

And then I have these posts I want to write about sustainable living, and how Lochie squashed most of our summer vegetable garden, has broken into both chicken runs and let the chooks out, let the chooks into the winter vegetable garden (which is toast now) and eats the eggs. But we're still glad to have him (mostly), though that was all a little depressing for a while. And Chris is starting obedience training with him next Tuesday night. And how one of our two Silkies turned out to be a rooster and started terrorising his sister, so we got rid of him and now she is much happier but I still think we need another little Silkie friend for her (or two, or maybe three).

And of course about The Compact and how that's going and how I feel about it, with a little more detail than that last post.

And then about writing, and how I am back to working on my fiction now (not the essay which I still haven't even got a draft of, or a conclusion for, despite it all being due in less than 2 months!) and am really enjoying the revision/re-writing process. I fact I *love* it. Who'd have thunk? (I always dread revision, and always love it once I get going. Weird.)

And no doubt a bunch of other things that don't come to mind right now because I can hear Kaely in the kitchen and I am wondering what she is doing, and because Liam is off sick today (just a cold with a mild fever I *think*, but there is chicken pox going around the school), but I've just remembered that I have to get everyone dressed and go into the school anyway, because I am the 'class co-ordinator' and I have to put out some pledge forms for the community hours scheme before term ends, and term ends tomorrow...

And now Liam is calling me, and I think Kaely is harrassing him, so I will go be a parent, and save thinking more about this blog for another day.

Nothing; Something; Om.

Last year Liam had a phase where he would regularly come out with this joke:

Liam: Mummy...
Me: Yes Liam?
Liam: Nothing (hahahahaha)

[short pause]

Liam: Mummy...
Me: Yes Liam?
Liam: Something! [more laughter]

The first part of this was something he learned at school (and I remember learning it there myself). The second part he learned from my mother.

Mikaela now has her own version of this, although rather than consider it a joke, I think it's her way of making conversation.

Mikaela: Mummy...
Me: Yes Kaely
Mikaela: Ummm [except when she says it it sound more like "Ommm"]
[short pause, then repeat]

I find it it very cute, as well as a more than a little amusing.

Telling stories

I'm interested in the way Liam is constantly narrating his - and our - life to me, or to whoever else will listen, as though it is new information. For instance, he went to the loo in our massage room, and as he sat there he told me

"The toilet is high like this because the water wasn't flushing properly out of here," he indicates the pipe taking the contents of the toilet out by the side, not at the back like a common s-shape toilet pipe. "So we had to get someone to get the toilet off the floor and put this stone under it," (indicating the built up pedestal of cement lifting the toilet a couple of inches off the floor), "and then they put the toilet on top of it and attached it with screws, didn't they?"

The 'didn't they' is almost an after thought, barely requiring any confirmation on my part, (although in fact that's not quite the way it worked).

This is a regular part of his conversation, telling me things that we both already know. Another example is when he's just asked his father something in my presence, but then turns to me to tell me "I asked Daddy, X, and he said Y," just as though I wasn't right next to them the whole time.

Where have all my friends gone?

Liam had his first day in full kindergarten on Tuesday.

It's not much different to last year - same classroom, same teacher, same routine - just more days, and different kids.

The different kids is the hard part right now. Liam loved school last year, and was really looking forward to it starting again (for weeks he's been telling me to call his teacher and ask if they can start NOW). But I big part of his excitement was caught up in playing the same games with the same kids. So when he got there on Tuesday and most of his friends weren't there - having gone up to class one, after doing their year of 'full kinder' last year - he looked very lost.

To me that is. I watched him, standing in the middle of this huge sandpit, waiting for his best friends A and G to show up, and almost got teary. Actually I did. I wondered whether I should have told him, even just that morning, so that he wouldn't be waiting and wondering. His teacher had said not. She said if you tell them they will just worry. Let them enjoy their holidays, and when they get here they'll find out, and they'll be fine.

When I picked him up I asked him how it was, and he, as usual, said it was great. I asked if it was as good as he remembered and he said no, because it was different kids. But he said it quite cheerfully, and he was just as keen to go to school today as he was Tuesday (Wednesdays he has off still).

But today I ran into the mother of one of his old friends in the car park, and saw another but only at a distance. And on the way home I felt all sad again, but I realised: this time I wasn't feeling sad for him, I was feeling sad for me. These mothers, my friends who I hung out with at drop off and pick up last year, have moved on without me. Sure, I'll still see them around, we'll still have a few play dates (when they can be fitted in around school - weekends I suppose), but it won't be the same. They've moved on, and I'm still in kinder. And I'm going to miss them.

Frustration

Liam: No, that's not funny Bradley, I'm frustrated.
Bradley*: Frustrated about what?
Liam: About something!
Liam: Just don't talk to me right now, I'm just too frustrated.

Liam: Bradley, I need you to help me, Bradley. Bradley, I'm telling you what I need, I need you to help me Bradley. Bradley, I need you to help me!
B comes over
Liam: Oh, I've done that now.

________
*This is a pseudonym for one of Liam's best friend's. Hopefully it's the same one I used last time...

Three best moments of December 25

My three favourite moments of today:

1. When Mikaela woke up this morning and came out to the living room (that is, I carried her out): Liam was desperately trying to interest her in her Santa presents, but all she had eyes for was the Christmas tree, put up by us last night and decorated by Liam while we slept in (till 7:30). She was too busy oohing and aahing over it and the pretty wrapped presents under it to be interested in new toys.
2. When Liam disappeared after lunch, while the rest of us were still at the table: I wondered what was keeping him occupied, and when I went to find him he was quietly drawing and painting (with glitter paint pens) with the new super pack of drawing stuff his Pa gave him. Seeing Liam quietly occupied is not all that common!
3. Driving home late enough (after 9pm) to see the Christmas lights and listening to Liam point them out to Mikaela, and Kaely fairly sing with the pleasure of seeing them.

Okay, opening all those lovely pressies was fun, and the food! Yum. Oh, and the lavish praise for the gingerbread house Liam and I made was rather nice too. But those were my favourite moments.