narrating kayoz

The lovely Orana

We went on a primary school* tour** at Orana yesterday, and oh, it made us wish we'd gone to school there. The hand work they do, the languages and the music, even the academic subjects - it all seemed so wonderful.

In the handwork department, they start finger and french knitting in kindy - Liam can already do those. Then they move on to knitting (plain stitch) and basic sewing in class one, and make themselves a lovely craft bag. They also, I believe, make their own knitting needles. As the classes go on they learn more complicated knitting, following patterns, different stitches and so on (I know they make socks at some point and a beanie at another point by I don't remember when). They also learn embroidery and I think crochet maybe? And felting and fabric painting. And then from class six they start woodwork, which is compulsory through to class ten. They start out making set projects for the first two or three years (in class six they make a wooden spoon and egg - all with hand tools, though they have machines for later years), then they can start designing their own projects. They have photos of things kids have made, like chairs, tables, chests and so on, not just cutlery!

They do music all the way through, starting with recorder in class one. But you know how there are different kind of recorders? Well they learn all three kinds, in classes one, two and five respectively. In class three and four they aer busy doing violin and cello. Of course, they aren't supposed to become proficient in all these instruments, but they get an introduction, including an introduction to the relevant music theory.

They start German and Japanese language and culture studies in class one (though they don't start reading and writing in those languages until class four, initially it's mostly just playing games and stuff) and they are both continued until the end of class seven, at which point they must choose one to continue with.

Class three is the gardening and farming year, so they vegetables that year, but I think they start studying biodynamic growing in class six.

In one of the classes we went into - class six I think - they were doing a main lesson on astronomy, but the teacher explained that at this point they don't talk about things like the sun being at the centre of the solar system, they start with stuff that they can physically observe, like the angle at which the sun sets and rises and the constellations and whatnot. And one the blackboard he had drawn, and coloured in, with chalk some gorgeous pictures - that was common in lots of the classrooms actually. They use a lot of visual - and attractive - aids in the teaching. But one of the highschool maths teachers (whose daughter is in kindy with Liam) was telling us that they also want the child to be able to experience the lesson 'in their body' - even in high school maths. So she has them up and outside measure things and charting things in their trigonometry main lesson, for instance. So it's not that it's all teaching using the visual sense or anything.

In Steiner the key word for the first cycle, the first seven-ish years of life, is safety. The child needs to feel safe. The next seven years (so roughly the primary years, age seven to fourteen) the key word is beauty. And they really do focus throughout those years on making the school and all the classes beautiful.

I am not doing this school tour justice, you really need to be there to see how inspiring it all is. Suffice it to say that we were more than ever convinced that we have chosen the right school for Liam and for our family.
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*primary school=grade school
**As opposed to the kindy tour which we did before Liam started and the high school tour which we'll do at some point in th future.

Kinder chat - creative discipline

On Monday night Chris and I went to a 'kinder chat' at Liam's school, given by a kindergarten teacher, Riita, who was one of the founders of the school and has been teaching kindy there for twenty-five years.

There wasn't anything especially new, but there were a few good reminders for me. Some of them were around basic stuff like needing to have good routines, a beautiful/not chaotic environment (we fall down on that one), good food, proper amounts of sleep and so on. Others were perhaps slightly less obvious:

• This is the age of imitation. Therefore how I want Liam (and Mikaela) to be, is how I have to be. That includes how I want them to talk, how I want them to deal with anger and frustration, and whether I want them to yell (at me, at each other).
  
  • Riita said at school they talk about inside and outside voices, and when the kids yell in the classroom they say to them "That's your outside voice Johnny, it's time for your inside voice now." I've done that with Liam, but somehow I don't think we (he or I) have ever made the connection which Riita made, which is to me also having an inside voice. So I told Liam on Tuesday that I am going to try to keep to my inside voice in the house too. We'll see how I go!
• She talked about concentrating on the positive behaviours and accomplishments. As an example she said at school the children pour their own water from the jug. The only time a teacher will help is if the jug is so full it's too heavy for a child. And when they first do this, they tend to over fill and spill. Then they learn to go and get a cloth and wipe up the water. Next time they pour the water, they will often pour too little, and need more. So when the jug comes back around again the teacher will say "A half a cup is a good amount." And then, when the time comes that the child can pour half a cup successfully, they will say "Look, Johnny can pour a half a cup of water now." (Or something, I don't remember exactly, maybe she says it directly to the child, rather than in the third person.) But they don't ever comment on the times when the child pours too much or too little.
  
  • I know this is really pretty obvious stuff, but I am belabouring it a little because I realised that I am forgetting to do it. And I also notice that once I am a little cranky or impatient, if, for instance, it has taken me 20 minutes of nagging to get Liam to clean his teeth after dinner, then I am even less patient with what are merely a child's normal accidents, like squeezing out too much toothpaste from the new tube, or accidentally wiping it on a towel. Or even things that aren't accidents, like walking around the house with the toothbrush in mouth instead of standing at the sink, as per our rule. It's not an accident, but it's only a minor infringement. Yet I can become quite, quite cross about it, mostly because I am already cross from the twenty minutes of nagging. Anyway...

• Creative discipline. Riita talked also about when a child is having a tantrum (this is a kinder aged child - around 4-6 - not a one-year-old, for instance, though no doubt this approach could be modified), and how you can distract them. She suggested: You might cup your hands together around something special - maybe a gold ring, or even your watch - and you look into a small opening in your hands to see what is there. You might put your hands up to your ear and pretend your special gold ring is talking to you "Oh," you say to your ring, "I can have three wishes?" By this time the child just has to come and look to see what is inside your hands, and you might engage them in the conversation too. "well," you tell your ring, "I wish that we might go to the playground later today," or "I wish that we might go to Grandpa's house this weekend," or whatever. But mind, you then have to follow through on the wish, so that it is "true" and not just a trick.

Basically it gave us a few new ideas, but mostly some good reminders about our own modeling of the behaviour and values we would like to see in our children, and about using distraction rather than chastisement, and acknowledgement of good behaviour and successes rather than failures, as ways of discipline.

Now if only I can get better at putting it all into practice!

Crafty autumn days

Liam's school had their annual autumn picnic on Sunday. Normally I would say 'we' had it, especially since as class co-ordinator of Liam's class I was involved in some of the organisation, but actually I didn't go - I was at home trying to re-write my essay for my master's project (which is driving me up the wall at the moment, but that's a whole other post!).

The autumn picnic is usually a lovely family day, with everything from sack races to sausage sizzles to home made soup to the craft table (the organisation and running of which is job of us kindy parents). This year it turned out to be the coldest day of the season so far, but a good time was still reportedly had by all.

Liam made this gnome and gods-eye at the craft table. Someone showed him how to do blanket stitch and got him started on the gnome and he did the rest himself, and the gods-eye he did completely by himself, having made his first one at the school's Spring Fair last year.

This is one of the things I love about Orana. All the 'hand work' they do. This year Liam has mastered finger knitting and French knitting in kindergarten, he brought home a little basket his teacher sewed for him out of his finger knitting, and is now working on the French knitting - two strands of wool at once too (for both finger and French). They don't learn to write until class one (next year), but this handwork is part of the way they prepare the hands and mind for that sort of handwork. And in class one they also start 'proper' knitting. I think they start with knitting socks or something, and progress to a hat at some point (maybe in a later year though).

I was never very crafty as a child - oh I learned the basics of knitting and French knitting, but I never actually completed a project. I all but failed 'textiles' (sewing, weaving etc) in year seven. I did do a short course in sewing with stretch material when I was about 18, out of which I got a few clothes and my still very basic sewing skills. But that's about it. So I love the fact that Liam is learning some of these basics right at the beginning of school, and will continue to do so through the years.

Meanwhile I, as you know, am going to knit a dishcloth. And I'm going to attempt to make Kaely a sleeping bag. She is fast outgrowing the one she's in now, and I haven't been able to find any in op shops (thrift stores), so I put a request for a size 3 sleeping bag on freecycle,* and someone responded with the offer of a pattern, and said she may even be able come up with some old bits of fleece for me to use. So I'm going to give it a go. I may just become a handy person yet.

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*I find this a challenging part of the whole 'no shopping' compact - asking for things. A lot of stuff I haven't been able to find second hand, and while in some cases that can just mean we don't buy it, some things we really do need. Okay, true, we don't *really* need them. Mikaela could wear a couple of extra layers to bed (she won't keep blankets on yet) and we could move her to a mattress on the floor (she's not safe in the cot without the sleeping bag any more, she can climb out). But... we need them enough, if you know what I mean.

So, I decided to start asking for things on freecycle. That's the whole point, after all, of freecycle - to move things around to where they will be used. But I do find it challenging to ask for 'handouts', especially as there seems to be a general philosophy that it should be more for giving than receiving (for instance I think the rules say you can't put a WANTED on until you've put an OFFER on). So I decided that I would have to put an offer on for every wanted I put on.** Not that that's a bad thing - after all, I am also trying to declutter. But even then, I do find the asking a little confronting. See how I am going into this long explanation about how I put 'offers' on and not just 'wanteds'? I find this discover about myself sort of interesting.

** (Footnote to the footnote:) So far I've put on two wanteds and two offers and got requests for both the offers, but for the wanteds have gotten a loan (which is good actually - it's a mini tramp for Chris to work his ankle on, and we're happy to be able to give it back at the end) and the offer of advice on how to make the item. So if this goes on the decluttering could become a reality. I still need to find things to put up for offer so I can request boys size 4/5 PJs, long sleeve tops & long pants - which I am counting as three separate requests. I am sort of wishing I kept those bags of clothes I finally give to Vinnie's (charity) the other week though.

Trying to remember the effect of exhaustion on children's behaviour

Liam's in the middle of a big weekend.

Yesterday after school (which finishes at 12:30 on Fridays in the kindergarten) we had his friend R over until his Dad could come get him after work, which ended up being about 6:00. Then we up and decided to go out to dinner,  despite still being on a spending freeze, despite Liam being of course quite exhausted. I don't think Kaely's ever been out to dinner before, that's how often we do this (Liam might have been out two or three times in his life before). But she'd had a long nap - normally I wake her by 3pm to ensure an orderly bedtime, but with R here all afternoon I decided to cut myself some slack and she ended up sleeping until 4:15! - so she was fine.

Then today we had another friend, S, in the afternoon. When her mum came to get her (shortly after five) she and Liam were just about to start colouring in*, so her mum dashed off to the shops and they ended up not going till I guess fairly close to six too. We also had visits with my mum and from Chris's dad today, so it's been a social sort of day.

And finally tomorrow - forecast to be the coldest day of the season so far, truly wintry - they have the autumn picnic on at Liam's school, which is the big family event of the season. I'm not going, because it's my writing day and I only have three weekends left before it's all due in (gotta try doing a substantial re-write of the essay tomorrow). I was feeling quite sad about missing it, but now I've seen the forecast, I'm feeling sort of lucky. Chris and the kids will still go though. And I imagine they'll have lots of fun.

But, even this morning Liam was already showing signs of being tired, after his big day yesterday. By this evening he was getting quite annoying (though he was fine up until the moment S left), and I really had to try to remember that he's overtired. By tomorrow night I hate to think what he'll be like. And unfortunately he has swimming after school Monday. After this sort of weekend I would probably keep him home from that, but it's the last class of the term, and he doesn't go back until Spring as the centre is closing down for the winter to do some work. I'm almost wondering if I should keep him home from school Monday instead. I guess I'll play it by ear, but either way I must remember: Liam is tired, and tired children find it hard to behave 'well'. Must remember!

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*Before this, in the three or so hours S had been here, they had built a boat (a box with a small broom for a mast), played with cars, done chalk drawing outside on the driveway in the freezing cold (but under cover from the on-again off-again light rain), rolled wool into small balls suitable for making gods-eyes, started making gods-eyes, and very briefly played with lego. S had also had fun playing outside with Mikaela, and told me several times she wished Kaely was her little sister.

Free play builds intellect

After school yesterday we had a play date with one of Liam's best friends, B, who doesn't go to 'our' school, but goes to one nearby, and two other mutual friends (twins) who used to go to B's school but now goes to Liam's.

The kindergarten playgrounds are enclosed, but the class one & two playground is out in the open, so we sometimes go down there after school finishes for a play, and that's what we did.

The boys (and one girl, B's four-year-old sister) played really well together, for over two hours. By the time we finally dragged them away it was getting dark and I had to call Chris to warn him that he'd be home before us, and could he please get something out of the freezer for dinner.

They played with sticks and logs and rocks and dirk (mud, really) building a 'dam' below a pond that the class-two children had built during the day. They filled it with bore water from a tap, using a big saucepan they found in the sandpit. It did leak a bit, but overall I have to say they did an amazing job, working together with virtually no supervision (their mum's being busy talking and supervising the toddlers), and no noticeable conflict.

One of the things their mum's were talking about was the importance of free play. B's mum, S, (one of my S friends) was telling us some recent research she'd heard about, that found that at this age free play is the most important factor in developing intellect.  And as we watched them 'working' none of us found that at all surprising. S's kids don't go to the Steiner school (though she's torn about it), but since free play is what they are doing a good 80% of the time in the Steiner kindy, the other two of us were able to feel quite smug.

The non-post, which quickly became Me Rabbiting On

From the claytons post direct to the non-post, and I haven't made it two weeks of posting every day yet. I wonder if this spells doom of my plans to make it through the entire month?

Two people I know IRL and one online (but not through blogging) are currently pregnant and happy about it - two via IVF one via an accident (though they were planning to start trying within a couple of months, just hadn't quite got there yet).

I am tired tired tired. Yet the idea of having a newborn in the house does not fill me with dread. Maybe that's just because I'm too tired to feel dread. Actually, I wouldn't want to have one right now. Kaely is not quite two and still seems waaay to young to me to introduce another baby into the house. All those people who have the second when their first is under two (or even under three, truth be told) are amazing to me. How they manage, but more than that, how they can even contemplate having another one early enough to have produced another one that quickly is totally beyond me.

Kaely is seeming quite a bit better, by the way, but still very grumpy.

I went to pilates tonight. I've been doing it since about three months before we started trying to get pregnant with Mikaela. I told my cousin (after her second baby in as many years) that doing pilates is just a price of having children and really must be done. A very middle class perspective.

I start back at work in only about 6 or 7 weeks. Seven I guess. Not sure how I feel about that yet, but it will be for a different government department than the one I left, because of the shuffling of portfolios with the new government, so that's sort of exciting. Or perhaps exciting is too strong a word, but you know what I mean I'm sure.

Liam's school has it's annual Autumn picnic this Sunday, but I can't go because I'll be writing. The deadline approacheth fast. I'm also missing one of his best friend's birthday parties the following week for the second or third year in the row for the same reason.

And now that I have rabbited on and on I am going to bed.

Where have all my friends gone?

Liam had his first day in full kindergarten on Tuesday.

It's not much different to last year - same classroom, same teacher, same routine - just more days, and different kids.

The different kids is the hard part right now. Liam loved school last year, and was really looking forward to it starting again (for weeks he's been telling me to call his teacher and ask if they can start NOW). But I big part of his excitement was caught up in playing the same games with the same kids. So when he got there on Tuesday and most of his friends weren't there - having gone up to class one, after doing their year of 'full kinder' last year - he looked very lost.

To me that is. I watched him, standing in the middle of this huge sandpit, waiting for his best friends A and G to show up, and almost got teary. Actually I did. I wondered whether I should have told him, even just that morning, so that he wouldn't be waiting and wondering. His teacher had said not. She said if you tell them they will just worry. Let them enjoy their holidays, and when they get here they'll find out, and they'll be fine.

When I picked him up I asked him how it was, and he, as usual, said it was great. I asked if it was as good as he remembered and he said no, because it was different kids. But he said it quite cheerfully, and he was just as keen to go to school today as he was Tuesday (Wednesdays he has off still).

But today I ran into the mother of one of his old friends in the car park, and saw another but only at a distance. And on the way home I felt all sad again, but I realised: this time I wasn't feeling sad for him, I was feeling sad for me. These mothers, my friends who I hung out with at drop off and pick up last year, have moved on without me. Sure, I'll still see them around, we'll still have a few play dates (when they can be fitted in around school - weekends I suppose), but it won't be the same. They've moved on, and I'm still in kinder. And I'm going to miss them.

Today we had our first school fair as actual parents at Orana

We've been to the Orana Spring Fair most years (maybe every year) since Liam was born, but this was the first one as bonafide members of the school community - with jobs to do and everything.

The fair went from eleven to three, and we got there between 11:30 and 12:00. Next year we will get there right at the start. Even though there was a freezing cold wind and Mikaela hadn't had a nap, we filled the entire day and felt like we hardly did any of the fair activities. And Mikaela, tired as she was, had a ball.

We did go up to see the puppet show in one of the kindergartens. Which is to say, Liam went in and watched the puppet show, while Chris and I hung out admiring the playground with Mikaela. The Orana school grounds are all gorgeous and currently full of flowers, but I think the kindergarten playgrounds are the best. There are four kindies with two enclosed playgrounds (ie two sharing each playground), and they have created just wonderful environments for five year olds to play. These photos (taken on my phone) don't do it justice at all - especially they don't show all colours of the roses and campanulas and all the other flowers are that are in bloom right now. But you get a rough idea.

Aside from that we saw some of the Maypole dances, bought a few books and plants, plus of course some yummy food, and then spent the last couple of hours hanging around the children's activities, where I was rostered on to help. I don't know that I was a lot of help except with the pack up, but I learned to make a god's eye, and someone else helped Liam make a garland and a fishing pole (with magnet on the end). He had a go at a godseye too, but it didn't turn out as beautiful as mine :)

Usually I go to the plant stall at the end and buy lots of plants when they're all 50c each, but I couldn't do that this time, being rostered for packup elsewhere. However, we did score a bag of kids clothes free. They had an end of fair special of $5 for a bag full, which my Mum kindly took advantage of for us, but by the time she went to pay they'd packed up the money! So that was a nice little bonus for the day. I do love free clothes. We are still getting quite a few handmedowns for Mikaela, but not so much for Liam these days.

A TV imagination

One of the reasons that Liam's (Steiner) school strongly encourages us to limit television time (and have no TV before school) is that they say it limits their imagination - it's too prescritive, basically.

So Liam came home from school the other day and told me they'd been playing a game called 'Road Runner', in which Road Runner drove a fast car, a wolf fought Road Runner's enemies, and a bird hung out with Road Runner (I doubt he knows that road runner's are themselves birds). The funny thing is that Liam has no idea that this is based on a television show, and I wouldn't be surprised to discover none of his friends do either. They might, but it might also just be a game that has been passed down from previous generations in the class. After all, I've never heard of Road Runner driving a car - I think that's just an assumption they made from the name.

The same day he told me they'd been playing 'Heros' in which one of the heros was named TJ and there was a doctor named 'Sidikin' (or something like that) - except they couldn't find anyone to play Sidikin. I'm guessing this is also based on some TV show, but I have no idea what it is.

More on Liam in School

On the weekend Liam said to me "I love school. But it won't be as much fun once the teaching starts."

I didn't let on that the teaching already has started! But I did tell him that it was just going to go on being the way it was last week. There was an unfortunate episode in The Wishing Chair Again with Mister Grimm's school for bad brownies that I foolishly didn't skip which had Liam quite nervous about school for a while last year. I think it is still influencing his idea of what school might be like.

However, this week he loves it just as much as last week.

Liam is a big boy now

Liam starts school tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how he's feeling about it, but I'm feeling excited and nervous on his behalf.

He'll have one friend in his class (and that friend will already know two or three other kids) but no-one else he knows. I'll be leaving him in a group of around 12, with one friend, one teacher... Not something he's ever done before. I've left him with other people, but not with people he didn't know. He's been saying he needed to get to know his teacher better, lets call her Jane,  before he starts, so we went in today after school to spend a bit of time in the classroom while she packed up, and in the yard while she staked up a few new trees they planted last week (I cleared this with her on Friday).

School started today, but Liam's only there Tuesdays and Thursdays this year. He's in a mixed 4/5-5/6 -year-old class, so some kids are there three or four days and some only two. He barely spoke to Jane today, but he had fun playing and seems quite keen to go in the morning. We stayed for about a half hour this afternoon and he wasn't ready to leave.

So I'm a little nervous, but also excited for him. I loved primary school, especially the first few years. And Orana is looking to be a lovely school. And Jane is looking like being a lovely teacher.

School teachers

One of the things that worries me slightly about our plan to send Liam to the local Steiner school is that he will have one core teacher from first grade through to eighth grade. What if that teacher sux (it does happen you know), or even if s/he doesn't suck, but just has a personality clash with Liam?

One of the good things, I hear, about having the one teacher move with the kids is that when they do have a 'difficult' child in their class, or a difficult relationship with one student, they tend have a greater motivation to work with the child - since they can't just pass him or her on to someone else the next year. This makes good sense, but still I do worry about it a little - a teacher can have such a major impact on a kid's self image at that stage, and on their engagement with school and learning in general.

On the other hand, Chris and I were just discussing our school experiences, and I realised that I had 3-4 teachers in my classes for all but two years of primary school. That means I was in classes of 90-120 kids, and had a different teacher for each subject. I don't feel like any of those teachers got to know me well. Aside from my year six maths teacher, I doubt any of them would even remember me.

My year six maths teacher, Mrs Edelstein (I think that's right), took a particular interest in me,  wondering why I was still on book 15 out of about 35 when I seemed quite bright (these were books we'd been working through since about year 2): she took me through a few questions from each book and discovered I knew them all, that I was still on book 15 because I was bored, not interested in working through zillions of exercises on things I already knew. And in point of fact I hadn't worked through most of those 15 books either, I'd just been arbitrarily moved up a few books at the beginning of each year.

Which makes my point beautifully. Until that particular teacher, no-one had noticed that I was in the wrong maths class. Maths was streamed, but because I was not getting through the books at the proper pace, I was never in the top class. I wasn't an overachiever by any means, but I was bright, and I loved maths. At least, I loved the theory - I never loved doing exercise after exercise for no observable reason. But I was quiet and respectful so the teachers didn't tend to notice (or didn't have time to care) that I paired that with doing next to no work.

What this meant was that when I went to high school and was put in the top maths class I was already behind - I'd missed out, for instance, on learning about negative numbers, which the kids in the top maths class in my primary school had learned while I was busy helping other kids in my (lower) class with their fractions. All of which in the long run led to me barely passing maths by the time I got to college (year 11) and calculus, and while I admit a little more self motivation (and the ability to ask for help) would have helped, I also think that a primary school where it took four years for the teachers to notice what level I was really at is a sad excuse for a school.

So while I do worry about what we will do if Liam gets a teacher who he/we really have a problem with (maybe home-school), I am also really glad that his teacher will have a chance to get to know him really well, and I hope that it will mean his needs are met more directly than mine were.