Sleeping through by six weeks? I don't think so...

A day and a half after Mikaela's birth found me rocking her in the bedroom, despondently thinking, "Here we go again."

Liam was not much of a sleeper. We felt blessed on the nights when he would sleep three hours in a row in bed. Right up until he was over 12 months of age. Until I night weaned him at 18 months he would wake up several times a night and want to nurse. He didn't sleep through the night on a regular basis until he was at least three. Part of this was probably caused by reflux, and the bad 'not-sleeping' habits that that created.*  When he was little he would cry and cry before going to sleep, every single time. But part of it may have been caused by inexperienced parents too. When he was around 8 or 9 months we bought The No-Cry Sleep Solution, and puting some of the ideas in there into practice did help somewhat.

So this time, things were going to be different. We borrowed the hammock from a friend (her kids all slept through - like 10pm to 5am - from 6 weeks in that hammock. Although they all started waking again when they started getting teeth and that was the end of that); we would wrap;** we would put her down to sleep at least some of the time (though we hoped to have her in the sling for at least one sleep a day too); we'd have her sleep in the bassinette in the living room during the day, to get her used to noise and also used to sleeping in different places; hell, maybe we'd even get her to fall asleep on her own, putting her down when she was sleepy but not yet asleep.

Ha!

Her first day Mikeala slept all day - after her hour and a half on the breast - as newborns are want to do. Then she didn't sleep - not in a settled, letting her parents sleep sort of way - from 9pm to midnight. Then she slept from midnight to 3am, and then didn't settle properly again until about 7am.

The next morning we brought her home from the birth centre, and once again she slept most of the day, though waking to feed regularly. In the evening I fed her and got her sound asleep in good time for dinner. I took her to the bedroom and put her into the hammock, and crept out, congratulating myself on a job well done and a baby well made.

Ten minutes later she woke up.

Quite some time later I gave up trying to get her settled again and brought her back out. That night I managed to get her to stay settled by herself in bed (my bed, not hers) for all of another ten minutes. Hence the despondency. Sometime I wonder how I got through 12 months of being woken every one to two hours all night (Liam, from 6 to 18 months). But part of it, I guess, is that I never knew how long it would go on for. This time I was sitting with a newborn, failing to get her to sleep, wondering if this was going to be my life for the next 18 months, and how I would possibly cope.

A good friend of mine, who I met through a new parents group, when we both had our first babies, now has three children. The eldest, Liam's friend Bradley, could be put down when he was sleepy and he would go off to sleep. He slept and woke a ate (drank anyway) on four our cycles. His grandmother was heard to say you could set your clock by him. His mother has since said that she wondered what all the fuss was about, about babies being a lot of work. She had plenty of time on her hands. She has also since admitted that she would look at me and at another mutual friend and wonder why we couldn't just put our babies in their prams and let them go to sleep, like she did when we got together. We'd be rocking them, or walking with them in the sling, or nursing them to sleep.

Well. Her next child was not so easy. Put her down when she was tired and she would simply cry. Put her down in light sleep and she would wake up. She had to be rocked into a deep sleep, then put down. Elizabeth Pantley in The No-Cry Sleep Solution says that some babies will respond to attempts at controlled crying (aka cry-it-out/controlled comforting) by becoming afraid of going to bed/sleep and resisting it all the more. My friend read that and realised that it was a perfect description of her second child. Still, all-in-all she wasn't that hard. She slept okay. At least by comparison to her third child, who is now about 10 weeks old. He has had trouble with reflux and in the first several weeks he simply wouldn't sleep in bed - he had to be in her arms or in the pouch on her chest.

All three children have the same parents, and the same initial efforts of get them to sleep. But they are different children, and what worked for one simply didn't work for another.

I know this, and even felt somewhat vindicated - see, it wasn't us, it was Liam. We simply did what we had to do to cope with his sleep habits and fulfill his needs for closeness. And I must say, he is still a delightfully affectionate child (and one who mostly sleeps through the night, alone, and goes to sleep by himself, and still has naps in the day). But...

The day after my first failed attempt to get Kaely to sleep in the hammock (or anywhere that wasn't on me and didn't involve constant sucking) I realised that while I do know that every kid is different, that there isn't actually a magic formula that will make every kid sleep through the night by a particular age, I still thought I could do it. I thought that if we did everything 'right' (wrapping etc - see above) we too would have a child who slept through the night by 6 weeks. Or at least by 6 months. i knew there were no guarantees, but I still believed.

Well, I don't think Mikaela will be sleeping through the night by 6 weeks. So far she has had one 4 hour stint in the hammock, and one four hour stint in my bed. Mostly she does 3+ hours at night. Which is still more than Liam did. And mostly she doesn't cry before she goes to sleep, although it does still take a couple of hours to get her back to sleep at night mostly. And two nights ago she pretty much screamed (on and off) from 11pm to 2am, with what seemed to be a clear case of gas pain (relieved, somewhat, by pushing her knees to her belly and by farting - but not for long). In the end we gave her a bath - actually, two baths - which seemed to help and then she slept from about 2:30-6:30 in the bed with us (he second 4 hour night-time stint). So we hope and pray that she is not going down the same gassy/refluxy path as Liam, but we remain fairly confident. Even if there is no magic bullet.

And now, I hear her waking up, so... that' all folks! (I'll come back and proof read tomorrow - maybe).

________

*Although the time he slept best in the later months was the time he'd been sleeping more upright - in the sling mostly - in the earlier months. So maybe if we'd not tried to get him to sleep lying down at all in the refluxy months, we wouldn't have had a problem later on.

** Liam hated to be wrapped, but again - did he really, or was that just our inexperience? My mum says that my elder sister, who she has frequently said Liam is like, hated to be wrapped too. But then, she was my Mum's first child...

Liam was not much of a sleeper. We felt blessed on the nights when he would sleep three hours in a row in bed. Right up until he was over 12 months of age. Until I night weaned him at 18 months he would wake up several times a night and want to nurse. He didn't sleep through the night on a regular basis until he was at least three. Part of this was probably caused by reflux, and the bad 'not-sleeping' habits that that created.*  When he was little he would cry and cry before going to sleep, every single time. But part of it may have been caused by inexperienced parents too. When he was around 8 or 9 months we bought The No-Cry Sleep Solution, and puting some of the ideas in there into practice did help somewhat.

So this time, things were going to be different. We borrowed the hammock from a friend (her kids all slept through - like 10pm to 5am - from 6 weeks in that hammock. Although they all started waking again when they started getting teeth and that was the end of that); we would wrap;** we would put her down to sleep at least some of the time (though we hoped to have her in the sling for at least one sleep a day too); we'd have her sleep in the bassinette in the living room during the day, to get her used to noise and also used to sleeping in different places; hell, maybe we'd even get her to fall asleep on her own, putting her down when she was sleepy but not yet asleep.

Ha!

Her first day Mikeala slept all day - after her hour and a half on the breast - as newborns are want to do. Then she didn't sleep - not in a settled, letting her parents sleep sort of way - from 9pm to midnight. Then she slept from midnight to 3am, and then didn't settle properly again until about 7am.

The next morning we brought her home from the birth centre, and once again she slept most of the day, though waking to feed regularly. In the evening I fed her and got her sound asleep in good time for dinner. I took her to the bedroom and put her into the hammock, and crept out, congratulating myself on a job well done and a baby well made.

Ten minutes later she woke up.

Quite some time later I gave up trying to get her settled again and brought her back out. That night I managed to get her to stay settled by herself in bed (my bed, not hers) for all of another ten minutes. Hence the despondency. Sometime I wonder how I got through 12 months of being woken every one to two hours all night (Liam, from 6 to 18 months). But part of it, I guess, is that I never knew how long it would go on for. This time I was sitting with a newborn, failing to get her to sleep, wondering if this was going to be my life for the next 18 months, and how I would possibly cope.

A good friend of mine, who I met through a new parents group, when we both had our first babies, now has three children. The eldest, Liam's friend Bradley, could be put down when he was sleepy and he would go off to sleep. He slept and woke a ate (drank anyway) on four our cycles. His grandmother was heard to say you could set your clock by him. His mother has since said that she wondered what all the fuss was about, about babies being a lot of work. She had plenty of time on her hands. She has also since admitted that she would look at me and at another mutual friend and wonder why we couldn't just put our babies in their prams and let them go to sleep, like she did when we got together. We'd be rocking them, or walking with them in the sling, or nursing them to sleep.

Well. Her next child was not so easy. Put her down when she was tired and she would simply cry. Put her down in light sleep and she would wake up. She had to be rocked into a deep sleep, then put down. Elizabeth Pantley in The No-Cry Sleep Solution says that some babies will respond to attempts at controlled crying (aka cry-it-out/controlled comforting) by becoming afraid of going to bed/sleep and resisting it all the more. My friend read that and realised that it was a perfect description of her second child. Still, all-in-all she wasn't that hard. She slept okay. At least by comparison to her third child, who is now about 10 weeks old. He has had trouble with reflux and in the first several weeks he simply wouldn't sleep in bed - he had to be in her arms or in the pouch on her chest.

All three children have the same parents, and the same initial efforts of get them to sleep. But they are different children, and what worked for one simply didn't work for another.

I know this, and even felt somewhat vindicated - see, it wasn't us, it was Liam. We simply did what we had to do to cope with his sleep habits and fulfill his needs for closeness. And I must say, he is still a delightfully affectionate child (and one who mostly sleeps through the night, alone, and goes to sleep by himself, and still has naps in the day). But...

The day after my first failed attempt to get Kaely to sleep in the hammock (or anywhere that wasn't on me and didn't involve constant sucking) I realised that while I do know that every kid is different, that there isn't actually a magic formula that will make every kid sleep through the night by a particular age, I still thought I could do it. I thought that if we did everything 'right' (wrapping etc - see above) we too would have a child who slept through the night by 6 weeks. Or at least by 6 months. i knew there were no guarantees, but I still believed.

Well, I don't think Mikaela will be sleeping through the night by 6 weeks. So far she has had one 4 hour stint in the hammock, and one four hour stint in my bed. Mostly she does 3+ hours at night. Which is still more than Liam did. And mostly she doesn't cry before she goes to sleep, although it does still take a couple of hours to get her back to sleep at night mostly. And two nights ago she pretty much screamed (on and off) from 11pm to 2am, with what seemed to be a clear case of gas pain (relieved, somewhat, by pushing her knees to her belly and by farting - but not for long). In the end we gave her a bath - actually, two baths - which seemed to help and then she slept from about 2:30-6:30 in the bed with us (he second 4 hour night-time stint). So we hope and pray that she is not going down the same gassy/refluxy path as Liam, but we remain fairly confident. Even if there is no magic bullet.

And now, I hear her waking up, so... that' all folks! (I'll come back and proof read tomorrow - maybe).

________

*Although the time he slept best in the later months was the time he'd been sleeping more upright - in the sling mostly - in the earlier months. So maybe if we'd not tried to get him to sleep lying down at all in the refluxy months, we wouldn't have had a problem later on.

** Liam hated to be wrapped, but again - did he really, or was that just our inexperience? My mum says that my elder sister, who she has frequently said Liam is like, hated to be wrapped too. But then, she was my Mum's first child...