You think, when you have a third baby, that you surely are an old hand at this now and will know things. And it's true, you do know some things, and more importantly, you know how to find out. And you can be more relaxed about it.
But. On the other hand, thinking you might know things already, you might not bother with the books and so on, and consequently miss out on re-learning things that in fact, were quite helpful the first time around.
When I say 'you' of course, who I really mean is me. I've been surprised by the things I have simply forgotten and need to ask about or look up (how long does it take the cord stump to fall off? is it meant to still be gungy like that afterwards? when does the newborn acne tend to kick in? And now it's here, when will it go away again? What do you do about blocked tear ducts? How do you get this baby to latch on well for a good feed?).
But also, when I do look things up, I've been surprised by the things I've forgotten that I didn't know I'd forgotten (that you only feed on one side to begin with, and indeed to go on with potentially; that the yellow gunk she gets in her eyes is just tears that can't drain b/c of blocked tear ducts, not conjunctivitis - although putting breastmilk in her eyes is still a good idea; that the tear ducts can block up again and again for up to six months; I'm sure there've been other things, but I've forgotten them now).
So, it's back to browsing in the baby books for me. Here are my favourites:
The Baby Book: Everything you need to know about your baby from birth to age two by William & Martha Sears.
When I'm recommending this to people the main things I tell them are that I like their general parenting philosophy a lot, that it has a great section on 'Infant development and behaviour' covering those first two years in a fair bit of detail, and another great section on common childhood illnesses, how to recognise and treat them, and when to see a doctor. I referred to this section a lot when Liam was little, just for peace of mind. We hardly ever needed to go the doctor.
But actually, as I am rediscovering, it has heaps more goodness than that. A whole section on newborn care, for instance, and what to expect, covering things like care of the cord stump, normal skin changes (new born acne, for instance, or cradle cap), how to put on a nappy (they call it a diaper, of course), pros and cons of dummies (pacifiers), the newborn's body - what's normal what's not. Two chapters on breastfeeding, and another on formula feeding, and another on how & when to introduce solids. Then there are the chapters on 'babywearing', on how to get your baby to sleep, and on parenting the fussy or colicky baby.
Some of the sections I haven't read since Liam was a baby, but still remember fondly, are about the very beginning. In "Nesting-in", a section in chapter five, they say
"Take maternity (and paternity) leave: ... consider what maternity and paternity leave really mean - leave everything else to someone else and concentrate on your newborn. Baby will only be a newborn for one month. Almost anything can wait four weeks."
And "Dress for the occasion" - I love this:
"Don't take your night gown off for two weeks; sit in your rocking chair and let yourself be pampered. As a busy mother of eight Martha has learned to dress for the occasion. Wearing her nightgown gives the rest of the family the message that mom is off call. develop a language and mindset - 'go ask Daddy' - that directs the traffic of the other children from draining on mom."
Of course, not everyone can manage this ideal. Some mother's partners don't take time (or much time) off for unavoidable reasons. But what I love about this is it sets the ideal. The mother of a newborn should not be the sole carer of other children, she should not be worrying about cooking dinner or washing clothes. Look, of course she will - usually - manage what she has to manage. But I swear I am getting so much more enjoyment out of my beautiful Eliane because I am not the primary carer for the other children right now, Chris is.
Do the other kids miss me? Probably. But would they miss me even if Chris wasn't at home? For sure - I'd still be preoccupied with Eliane, I'd just be more tired and stressed doing it, and they wouldn't have someone doing all the things with them that Chris is able to do at the moment. And, if Chris wasn't at home, he wouldn't be getting so much time with Eliane either.
Okay, well, Eliane's waking up now, so rather than try to get this whole post complete before I publish it, the other books are going to have to wait till another one.
Special preview - they will include The no cry sleep solution: Gentle ways to help your baby sleep through the night and Mothering your nursing toddler. And maybe more, I'll have to think about it and see if I get there...
