They tell you that if you put a newborn down when she is drowsy, she will learn to go to sleep on her own. I don't know whether that's true, but it hasn't worked for any of mine.
Okay, maybe we didn't really try it with Liam. Mikaela had reflux and used to cry a lot before she could sleep until we got that under control when she was maybe six or eight weeks old (and that's while being held, largely upright). With Eliane, we thought we'd get it right. But everytime we put her down, even just long enough to change her nappy, she'd get the hiccups, and quite violently. So the idea that we could put her down and she'd fall asleep was laughable. Trust me, I tried. Sometimes even when she was asleep and we put her down, she'd get hiccups and wake up.
She is, nonetheless, a great night-time sleeper. I can't remember the first time she "slept through the night" (you know, the five hours between midnight and six am version of sleeping through), but the she did her first eight hour stint at just before eleven weeks. She now mostly sleeps 6-10 hours straight every night. Some nights she wakes up a lot up to midnight (for a few weeks there that would have read every night), some nights she wakes up between five and six, and very occasionally she wakes up sometime before five. But alot of the time she sleeps like she did last night, straight through with barely a murmur from about nine until after seven. All in her own little carry cot (soon to be graduating up to the bassinette, let's hope that doesn't change things).
Day time though, is a different story. She pretty much only sleeps in arms. And, she wants to nurse on and off the whole time. Sometimes I can put her down and she'll stay asleep for twenty minutes. Very occasionally longer. It used to be sometimes she'd stay asleep for an hour or more, but that hasn't happened for weeks.
If she was my only child, I wouldn't really mind that. In fact, I didn't when it was Liam. He was an in-arms or in-sling sleeper till he was six months old. But she's not my only one. And as a consquence, she's not getting enough sleep, and in order for her to get as much as she does, Mikaela's watching way too much tele, and she, in turn, is getting way to little one on one time with me. Until recently I could get Elli to sleep in the sling (either the Ergo or the Hug-a-bub) pretty well, and she'd usually have a two hour stint in there in the afternoon after school (when television is strictly banned). And other stints here and there through the days. And at playgroup, which goes for three hours, she'd usually either sleep for two hour-hour & a half stretches, or one long two-three hour stretch. But the last month or so, she's not even sleeping in the sling for more than one 40 minute sleep cycle.
So, a few weeks ago, I decided to get serious. Chris was taking the middle week of the school holidays off and I was going to focus solely on teaching Elli to nap on her own. I knew one option would be to put her in her bed and refuse to get her out - pat her or whatever, but not pick her up - even when she cried. But I also knew that was not something I was ever going to choose to do. So I bought a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Nap Solution, and made a plan.
I love this book. I read a bit of it (and some other books) online on google books, to decide what to buy. And when I read this, I was sold:
Important Notice for Those Who Hold Sleeping Babies
If you really love having your sleeping baby in your arms and your daily schedule allows this pleasure, then continue on as your are, with my blessing. Don't change what works for you and your baby, because someone else told you you should. If your baby is having long restful naps in your arms or sling, and you are happy holding him, go ahead and enjoy this precious, fleeting time in your life and his.
Don't change what works today for fear of some future problems. It will likely be no harder or easier for your baby to make a change now or later, but it will be easier for you when you are truly ready and motivated to create change.
...
There will come a time when you feel ready to move your baby from your arms to his bed. It might be today, next month, or even next year. The right time is different for everyone, and your right time is when you should make that change - without guilt or anxiety.
I really love this woman. Of course, I was already expecting that, because I used her No-Cry Sleep Solution back when Liam was waking up eleven times a night as an eight month old, but this confirmed it. I bought the book.
The only part I didn't like was how she said you have to be patient, that this was going to take some time. Oh, but... I want it to happen now. Over night. Can't we do that?
So, it's two weeks since I bought the No Cry Nap Solution. Want to know how it's gone? I'll tell you. The day after I bought it, my Dad had open heart surgery. Yep. So you can see how I was all focused on teaching this baby to nap last week, rather than on visiting my Dad in hospital every day, can't you? And now he's staying with us for an indefinite period of time I (I was thinking a week or two, but it's looking like it might be longer - which is perfectly fine, I hasten to add, it's nice to spend some time with him - though I suspect he'll end up wanting to leave soon than he thinks, anyway). So again, my focus hasn't exactly been complete.
And now - or rather, on Monday - Chris will be back at work. But I am going to keep working at it. Initially I'm focussing on the Pantley Pull Off - trying to teach her to fall asleep without sucking (how did we get here again, didn't we learn our lesson with Liam?), with a few other bits and pieces, like dimming the room. And maybe even getting to a routine of napping at the same times... though that's tricky for a number of reasons, but especially because she can have between three and six naps in a day, depending on how long I manage to keep her asleep for.
I have to admit to being a little disheartened, and frustrated that I never had my concentrated time to just focus on Eliane that I as planning for while Chris was off work. I was really hoping that by the time school went back (ie Monday), I'd be having her sleep for longer periods on her own, which I could then spend with Mikaela, even if I still had to be there to help her get to sleep. The plan was to first teach her to go to sleep without sucking, hoping that she would therefore stay asleep for longer without being in my arms, and then start working on teaching her to go to sleep in the bassinette. But we're no-where close yet.
I'm hoping that simple maturity will help too. I remember it was when Liam was about six month old, that I discovered that he could sleep in bed without me for naps, sometimes of a couple of hours or more. But of course, I still lay down with him until he was asleep, which I'm hoping to learn how not to do with Elli. He also had a dummy (pacifier), which she doesn't. Trying one of those is an option that I will go to if all else fails, but my sense is that as it is, she will still just wake up shortly after it falls out of her mouth.
And now (three days and many naps since I began), the baby in question is demanding some attention.
