"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours."
Anne Wilson Schaff


Narrating kayoz (main)

Later pregnancy & conception posts (on Narrating kayoz)




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Ocean View Verandah


Wednesday 1 August 2001

Today I am tired and cranky, and was even a bit teary earlier on. I had a really hard time at work - I didn't want to be there at all. And my hormones are really taking off I think.

I calculated today that the time I first started to feel tired and like I really needed some time off was about one week after ovulation. It also coincided with some major and unexpected changes in the leadership in my division of the department I work for, which had left me feeling rather cynical and disillusioned. So at the time I put it down to a combination of that and of the fact that I was in process of transitioning to a job I really wasn't interested in. Now I'm thinking it was also to do with the pregnancy.

Of course, this week I have fully moved over to my new job, and today was the first day I was it, alone - the person I am replacing finished up yesterday. So this combined with hormones.... well, I was not a happy camper at work today. I plan to go to bed very early tonight, and I have arranged to take a flex day on Friday.

I think the fact that we are not telling anyone (although I did tell one friend at work) is also making it harder for me. I feel it's the right thing to do, but at the same time I want to explain to people why my mind is really on other things. Why I really have better things to think about.

And, because we haven't told people at work, I had to go out to 'do errands' at lunch, in order to make some phone calls to the birthing centre etc on my mobile phone. We had planned to have a private midwife, and look into birthing choices over the next few months before getting pregnant. However I have just discovered that because the insurance company who covered midwives in Australia has just decided not to do so anymore, we don't actually have many options. Basically, it looks like it's the birthing centre, where you are looked after by a team of midwives and take your chances on the day, or the hospital and a doctor - and I *really* don't favour the later.

So, anyway, I'm tired and cranky, and going to bed.