"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours."
Anne Wilson Schaff

 

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Later pregnancy & conception posts (on Narrating kayoz)

 

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Ocean View Verandah

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Saturday, 28 July 2001

I still can't believe it. It appears, well...

I am now into day 32 of my menstrual cycle. The longest cycle I've had before this one in the past year or so was about 29 days. Normally it's about 27 days. Just a week or so ago I was joking that it would be ironic if I did end up getting pregnant this month, just when we'd decided to put it off.

And yes, we did have unprotected sex earlier this month. It was 5 days before the earliest day I had figured I might have ovulated (I've been charting my temperature each morning), which makes conception pretty unlikely - especially given that we had sex right on and around the day of ovulation (ie before and after) for the past two cycles, and nothing happened.

However, since I expected my period on Monday or Tuesday and it didn't come, I have been back on my abstention from alcohol & real coffee since then, and trying to eat well. Still, all week I've expected my period to come any day now. Except each morning I've woken up and checked my temperature to see if it'd dropped, and...nothing. In fact, it had been up just slightly higher for most of the past couple of weeks than ever before. But then, I feel just like my period is about to start - especially my breasts, which have been getting more and more tender over the past two weeks. Of course, that can also be a symptom of pregnancy.

In fact, all of my pre-menstrual symptoms can also be signs of pregnancy. And I read this morning about the triphasic temperature readings some women get. Low from the beginning of their period to ovulation, then up a few points of a degree until just before their next period - but, if they are pregnant up another rise, though less dramatic, around a week after ovulation. That's exactly what my pattern was this month.

So. I talked to Chris about it, and we agreed to go buy a pregnancy test. I said to him how weird I was feeling about it - that even though of course if I wasn't pregnant I would be somewhat relieved, I was also feeling excited by the possibility. I was also feeling that of course I was going to be disappointed, and was an idiot for even thinking otherwise. Because the possibility seems so unreal.

So, we went to the mall, bought a pregnancy test, came home. 'Should I do it?' I asked, 'I do need to pee...'.

I did it. It came up positive. Two little lines, quite distinct, almost immediately. Did you hear what I said? It came out positive!

I came out to the living room, brandishing the test, a foolish grin on my face. Chris got a foolish grin on his face too. I'm not sure if we were happy, so much as incredulous. I'm still incredulous actually. And happy.

We haven't told anyone yet. I still feel like it is so fragile, so tentative. After all, people apparently miscarry all the time, and just think they're having a late period. That could still happen to me. I am up to day three of week four, according to convention, where week one is measured from day one of your last period. - around two weeks before the egg is even released, let alone fertilized. So - very early. But also very hopeful.