"You need to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours."
Anne Wilson Schaff


Narrating kayoz (main)

Later pregnancy & conception posts (on Narrating kayoz)


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Ocean View Verandah


Tuesday 31 July 2001

Five weeks pregnant today. I am feeling a lot of different things. Happy, mostly. Every now and then at work over the past couple of days I suddenly remember, and have to turn away with a foolish grin on my face.

But I am also tired and not feeling at all interested or motivated at work, which is not like me usually. I'm not sure if it's all pregnancy or all work that's making me feel so tired, or (more likely) some combination of both. I get to work and turn on my computer, and have to force myself to do anything. Of course, I've been looking for other jobs, and have applied for one, but today I didn't even feel motivated to do any more of that.

And then, there's also the underlying fear - fear that my horrid old gyno was right when he said I may 'miscarry a few times' while my uterus learns to grow (though he did only say maybe). Fear that I'll just miscarry spontaneously anyway in the next few days, which is how many pregnancies supposedly end before the woman is even aware of them.

I still find it hard to believe it's real. But, I'm up to week 5 now, and a full 8 days passed the day my period was due, so surely the risk of the later is largely passed now. Clearly the embryo has taken hold in the uterus, and is now growing happily. So most of the time I'm just happy and I try not to worry too much.