narrating kayoz

Goodbye Kindergarten, Hello Class One!

Mikaela started class one this morning.

The Orana ritual for the first day of class one begins with returning to your kindergarten (new kindy children start at 10 on the first day).

We dropped Mikaela off and then waited - with all the other parents - just outside the playground. Once all the children had arrived, their kindy teacher, Jacqui, gathered them together for a few final words and gave each child a rose.

She then led them out in a line of pairs, each child holding another's hand, to walk down to their new classroom (with parents following at - supposedly - a discreet distance). There, their new teacher, Michael, who will have them for the next seven years, greeted them at the door. They each handed him a rose, shook his hand, and went into the class room.

Their new class is made up of the children from two of the four kindergartens, so behind Mikaela's class came the other class. When all children were inside and seated, the kindergarten teachers went in. Jacqui was carrying a candle, which I believe she placed in a candle holder in the room, and Michael placed all the roses in a vase.

And so their day began, and we went down to the canteen for "parent cafe", to chat with the other parents and debrief a little.

Mikaela was truly excited to start class one - to return to school and her friends, to learn to read and write, and to be part of the "proper school" as she put it this morning. The kindergartens are separate to the primary school with their own enclosed playgrounds (one to each pair of kindergartens), and include the preschool children as well.

Watching Mikaela move into class one was not a teary moment for me particularly. She is ready to move up, and besides, she's not my baby. I still have another to go through.

But, saying goodbye to Jacqui myself, when I dropped Mikaela off at the kindergarten, did bring some tears to my eyes. Mikaela has spent the last two years in that delightful space, with a warm and wonderful teacher and her equally lovely assistant, Katrina. And, two years earlier, Liam had the same teachers. Both times I acted as class coordinator for the two years, and really I enjoyed the role.

It seems silly when I say it, but I think I will miss Mikaela's kindergarten teacher more than she will! In two years time Eliane will start in that same room, also with Jacqui, and we will have another two years of visiting there. But in four years, when Eliane moves up to class one? I think I will be having a really good cry.

This is Mikaela two years ago on the first day of preschool. Eliane wears that hat now.

 

Midwinter, reverence and decluttering

We went to Mikaela's kindergarten winter festival and lantern walk tonight. It is a lovely way to mark midwinter and to recognise that the days will be getting longer again from this point on.

I was chatting to another parent afterwards, commenting what a magical experience it is for the children, walking along in the deepening evening, their way lit by the (candle) lanterns they carry, and by the larger candle-lit lanterns marking the path, singing their midwinter songs. I compared it to the fireworks nights we had in early June when I was a child, and still had here in Canberra until a couple of years ago. Both events held magic, flames and winter darkness. An important difference though, is that the lantern festival is directly associated with midwinter in a way that our fireworks night (the Queen's birthday celebration) wasn't. It gives the children - and parents - a sense of connection with the rhythm of the seasons that is overt, not just by the by.

Another important difference is that the lantern walk is done in an atmosphere of reverence. This is something many children (and parents) in our society now have very little opportunity to experience, and they make a deliberate effort to give the children such opportunities at the school. In a lovely article on the benefits of reverence and rhythm
Esther Leisher writes about the "openness toward the world and other people that reverence brings".

I love what she had to say about everyday reverence: "To permeate life with reverence means not just at set-aside times, but also reverence for everyday things. This creates a mood in a family. <big snip>...Reverence prepares your children to notice the good in life. What greater gift could you give them?"

I don't feel we do this terribly well in our family. It's one more thing I think would be easier - sorry *will* be easier - when we have decluttered our house. The value of the Steiner idea that the young child should be surrounded by beauty and order becomes more and more clear to me with each year at Orana and with each child. We have not done so well on this either, but there is still time for some of Mikaela's early years and most of Eliane's to be lived in such an environment.

I don't kid myself. I am not going to suddenly become a neat freak or a fabulous housekeeper and neither is Chris. But I do think getting the clutter down could will make an enormous difference.

And I do think that living in a more ordered environment with less clutter, will give us more room in our lives - figuratively as well as literally - for beauty and for everyday reverence.

In the meantime, I am glad Mikaela has her beautiful kindergarten classroom to escape to two days a week, and I am grateful for events like tonight's lantern festival, as well as the full primary school one we went to with Liam last week, which give both the children and us an opportunity to experience reverence in a more organised way.

The nine year old & Steiner curriculum

Liam went blackberrying with his class at a local organic farm today. We had blackberries with cream &ice cream for dessert tonight. Delicious. Eliane thought so too, I think she ate as many as anyone, almost.

Recently Chris and I (and Elli) went to a parent teacher class meeting for Liam's class. I love those meetings. It's where we get to find out what they're doing in class, but also about the age in general. And, we get to chat with other parents of similar aged kids, and have issues like our kids' sibling rivalry issues put into perspective of the norm.

This year the kids are turning nine, which is apparently when they typically start to really see themselves as separate to the world, which can bring with it some fear and loneliness. So of course that is reflected in the curriculum. Up until this point they still see everything as connected; animals can talk, magic can happen. Fantasy and reality still aren't entirely separate. So in the last two years they've read alot of fairy tales and stories of magic. And, in terms of mythology last year they looked at Aboriginal Dreamtime stories. This year they are starting with the Hebrew creation myths, with the separation of human from God, the casting out of Adam and Eve from paradise.

I love how everything in the curriculum is so careful thought out and tied together with their age and development. From the stories they tell to the gardening that they will be doing every thursday afternoon thus year, addressing that separation of fantasy and reality by teaching them practical skills of living in the world, from harvesting seeds to composting to making grapejuice and eating their produce.

{this moment} Mikaela starts school (day 3)

Inspired by SouleMama: {this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

(I will write about Mikaela's first days at school soon - I hope - but for the moment suffice it to say that this picture is entirely representative of her feelings.)

Making an Advent calandar, which will become a nativity scene (or, Advent in Australia, it's a funny thing)

My latest hand work project (and I'm not going to pretend there are a lot of them) is to make a home made advent calendar, which gradually builds into a nativity scene. This is something we have been working on in the playgroup I take Mikaela to at Liam's Steiner school - we the grown-ups that is, it's sort of a surprise for the children (though some will have been paying more attention than others).

The calendar consists of a long piece of string (a twistie actually) with 27 little packages tied to it. Each package will contain one thing to add to the nativity scene. Advent starts on Sunday 28 November this year, so that's the day for opening the first package.

The night before that, I will be setting up a little barn, made just with some pieces of bark for the roof and walls, and a few little blocks of wood to lean them on. I have a lovely piece of blue silk to set it out on. Now I just have to find a space which "can remain honoured and respected", where the kids can see and carefully touch, but where any visiting toddlers (and I'm expecting a couple in coming weeks) won't be tempted to touch too much!

Now, what will be in the packages? Well, the idea is to move through four kingdoms of minerals, plants, animals and humans (this is a Steiner concept I think*). So the first week is minerals. Stones and shells and crystals, to decorate the stable area. I have yet to scout around for these, but I don't think I'll have any trouble.

The second week is plants. So I have a few sticks of plasticine for the bases, and I plan to use some twigs and leaves and maybe some lavender and banksia flowers to be little trees and bushes.

The third week will be the animal kingdom. So far I have made a donkey and two sheep out of wool and pipe-cleaners, I have another sheep to make, and I have an echidna, a bee and a wombat, basically made out of seedpods (the bee has some yellow wool fleece twisted around it, and I will add a little white wool for the wings).

Then the last week is humans. I have Mary and Joseph already (pictured above), and half a shepherd (pictured left), and two more Shepherds to make. That leaves one day for which I will either make a star or an angel (no wise kings I'm afraid). And then the baby born on Christmas day will not be part of the calendar, but will be there when the kids wake up in the morning, in a bark manger, if I can find a curly piece of bark.

Alternatively you can have Mary and Jospeh there at the beginning and take them through a journey - now, I quite like that idea, but it would mean coming up with two more people for that final week before Christmas. Maybe I could do some wise men after all, but I don't have the materials for them at this point (and it's all gotta be finished by Saturday night, so really I should be working on the shepherds and sheep right now, not blogging!).

The book we've been using for instructions on how to make the animals is The Nature Corner: Celebrating the Year's Cycle with Seasonal Tableaux. But for the people we just had instructions from someone at the school, and I think they're a bit simpler than hers, basically just using fine wool batting, and a felting needle to "stitch" the pieces together. For the angel though, if I get to that, I think I'm going to use MamaMoontime's fleece fairy doll as a base, but I'll probably do the head the way we have for the other people, just sort of pulling a bit of the wool back over to make a smooth face.

Advent is traditionally a time of anticipation but also of preparation, of making ready for the new year. Apparently it used to be a time of fasting in the Christian calendar (I wonder if this was as well as lent, or did it move over to lent? Not that many people actually fast during lent either). I'd like to give my children some sense of reverence amid the excitement and joy of Christmas. So we'll be finding a time each day - probably right after dinner - for opening the parcel on the advent string calendar and maybe having a little bit of the story of advent. Or maybe the story will be reserved for weekend nights, I'm not sure yet.

Since we're not a strictly Christian family I'm thinking of including some other stories, from other faiths or cultures relating to this same time of year, but that's a bit further from my expertise.

The funny thing is that the idea of this being the end of the year is really predicated on coming up to mid-winter, but here in Australia we're coming up to mid-summer, which has quite a different feel to it. So although we are approaching the end of the calendar year, and, more significantly for children, the school year, seasonally speaking we're right in the middle of life. So I might need to dig out some summertime stories too.

I'll post an update with pictures when I have the initial scene set up with the advent string ready, and then I'll try take another pic at the end, when the whole scene is complete.

This post has also been linked in the Simple Seasonal Goodness linky list over at Sustainable Suburbia.

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*According to this page about Anthroposophy and Waldorf Education:

In terms of the "kingdoms of nature," we share our physical body with the mineral kingdom, our etheric body with the plant world, and our astral body with the animals.  The ego is shared with no other kingdom: only the human being carries this "divine spark" into earthly life.

Reading to children, the buoyancy of language, the beautiful sounds

As I mentioned a while ago, I'm now reading the Narnia books to Liam. We've got through two so far (The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe and The Magician's Nephew, in that order), because we have been interspersing them with The Spiderwick Chronicles, which Liam borrowed from a friend, and some Magic Treehouse Books, which my sister just gave Liam last week as a late Christmas present.

As I said, I am really enjoying reading the Narnia books out loud. The language and even the stories are so much richer than many of the modern kids books we've been reading, which I guess are designed to be easily read and digested by primary school kids, with their short sentences and relatively simple language and plots lines. 

We had a parent-teacher night at school the other day (not individual interviews, just a general session with all the parents to talk about 'the class two child' and the curriculum for this year etc.), and Liam's teacher, Margie, gave us a handout about the art of reading.

In the Steiner curriculum the kids are taught to read and write rather differently and more slowly than in the mainstream in Australia. They started writing last year, in class one, first learning their letters, then starting to write out sentences (copying from the board) from the stories Margie tells them each day. They are building up a list of 'words we know' (starting with things like 'and' 'in' 'the'), but at this stage they are still only reading what they themselves have written. They won't get their first 'reader' until later in the year, and that will consist of poems and stories which they already know.

This fits in not only with Steiner teachings, but also with the research that shows that starting all children in reading and writing at five means that those who are not ready at can become frustrated and stunted and often never really catch up or learn to enjoy reading, while children who start at seven have caught up with their earlier starting peers by about the age of ten, while avoiding the problems for those who weren't ready earlier. (know I should really look up a reference here, but I'm bound to run out of time anyway, so just google if you are interested).

Anyway, the problem this does present is when children, and/or their parents, start to feel worried that some of their (non-Steiner) friends can read, and they can't. We tried to avoid having this issue with Liam by explaining up front that in lots of schools they start reading and writing in kindy, rather than having so much outdoor (and indoor for that matter) play time. Since outdoor playtime was always his favourite part of the day, he considered it a fair trade. We didn't even need to point out that he could french knit and knit and sew etc whereas those other kids (mostly) couldn't - he'd probably give all that the flick in exchange for more outdoor play time!

But, we also have had it pretty easy since he has taught himself to read - by word recognition - far ahead of the curve as far as his own school goes. I guess just the amount that we have always read to him, plus maybe a genetic pre-disposition (he probably could hardly help it with such bookish parents), helped with this.*

So Margie handed out this article partly in response to some parents reporting their children's anxiety. It's for the parents, not the children, but the parents need to have the faith first, I think, that we are doing the right thing for our kids. But the article made me feel even better about reading the Narnia books, and also about me reading it to him, rather than the other way around. Last year we were doing a lot of him reading to me (because he wanted to), but this year it's now mostly me reading to him (not just in the case of the CS Lewis books either), and a part of me had started worrying that I wasn't encouraging him in his own reading enough, especially now school's back and light's out is a bit earlier - so not as much reading on his own in bed either.

It's called The Winged Horse: An essay on the Art of Reading, by Henry Barnes. I guess the gist of the article is in this paragraph

"When had this boy first started to learn to read? It was not in his reading lessons, when he first struggled to spell out words, but when he listened to the stories which were told and read aloud to him, into which he entered with his whole being. For reading is an art—the art of entering with one's whole soul into an experience outside of oneself. It is a gleaning of the sunlight hidden in the hard kernal of the word...The technique of reading the printed word is a specialized branch of the reading process and should no more be confused with it than the technique of raising and lowering the fingers should be confused with the art of the pianist."

Barnes goes on to compare the teaching of reading to that of swimming - just as the first step in swimming is to get children comfortable in the water, not to teach techniques, the first step in learning to read is to give them a "love and enjoyment of the great stories and poems which are the element in which the reader swims." He adds

"Learning new words, practicing work families, sounding out syllables, all of this necessary work belongs in special lessons which parallel the reading lessons, but are not allowed to destroy the germinating, imaginative process of reading itself."

But the part of the article that really got me? 

Quoting Nathanial Hawthorne in his 1851 introduction to his Wonder Book and Tanglewood Tales:

"In performing this pleasant task... the author has not always thought it necessary to write downward in order to meet the comprehension of children. He has generally suffered the them to soar, whenever such was its tendency, and when he himself was buoyant enough to follow without effort."

And Barnes adds in what I consider the 'money quote':

"It is not the poverty-stricken renderings of obvious and ordinary events which we should give children as their first experiences in reading. Let us have the courage to do what our forefathers did... let us give them the truly great stories, fairy tales, and poems, told by the masters of the language... with the right guidance, the difficulties of the vocabulary will prove no stumbling block and the beauty of the language will itself prove a most potent educational force. Let us have confidence in the bouyancy of language, as we do in water, for language is one of the great creative powers of the race. And let us not fail to value the educative power of what is half-understood in what the children read. This strange word, often beautiful in sounds, placed like an emerald in its native rock, stirs the imagination and allows the child's soul to surmise a shadowy world which it will one day understand but which is now veiled in mystery. Isn't this reaching out to grasp what cannot yet be fully understood an important part of every growth?"

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*Having said that, I should add that his writing is nowhere near at the standard of his reading. He is probably among the slower in the class at this, as at most fine motor skill activities, like knitting and sewing (bit like his mother in this area too!). I talked to Margie about this too, but that's another post.

A big bus step for Liam

Liam is taking the bus to school for the first time tomorrow. This is a big step for me. I'm not sure it's quite such a big step for him, but it's definitely a step.

He's been nagging me to let him do it for the past year, because one of his best friends at school takes the bus, and gets on only two stops after ours. It's a school bus, so although I gather it goes past a bunch of other schools as well, it ends up at Liam's. And our bus stop? It's about a four minute walk from our place. In the morning there is one street to cross (a fairly big one though), but in the afternoon there're none.

Then again, I don't think we'll be braving bussing home for a while yet. I'd definitely want to wait at the stop for him, and the mother of his friend who takes the bus told me it can be up to 15 minutes late - which means standing at the bus stop, almost nine months pregnant, in 30+ degree heat, with Mikaela, for maybe 15 minutes. There's not even a bench there. No thanks. That's something Chris can maybe do with him after the baby's born and Chris is on leave.

The point of this exercise, aside from the fact that he's been begging me to let him take the bus for a year, is that after the baby is born (and after Chris goes back to work), it would be nice if Liam could take the bus in at least one direction a few times a week. So that not every single nap the baby tries to have is either interrupted by school pick up/drop off or ruined by a sleep in the car.

On the other hand, I don't want to be completely absent from school myself, especially at pick up. There is a great community there and we often stay after school for half an hour or more for a play and a chat. And Margie, Liam's teacher, encourages us to have them show us their work from time to time, which I also like to do.

But aside from all, that, last year I just didn't really feel ready to let my little boy get on that bus and just trust that it would be all okay, not seeing him again until school pick up over 6 hours later. Actually I'm still not sure I'm quite ready for that. It helps to know that his friend will be on the bus though (and they're going to try to get going early enough to walk up to our stop tomorrow, which will certainly make Liam happy). And his mum told me there don't seem to be any bullies on the bus at all, at least as far as she can tell.

So it's all good and I'm sure will be fine. In fact, I suspect once we get used to it we're going to love it, even if it is just for the morning trip. But I did tell his teacher today that he'd be taking the bus tomorrow morning, and to please call me if he didn't show up! Just your average neurotic parent...

School's back, life's good, things are progressing.

This has been a hectic yet fun week.

School started back, and at Orana they always have 'parent cafe' every morning in the first week of school. It's in one of the old kindergarten classrooms/playgrounds, which is also where they have the playgroups from the second week on, and a cafe/craft morning on Fridays (which of course I've never been able to go to regularly because of working Fridays). So Mikaela and I dropped off Liam at his class* on Tuesday & Wednesday, then spent the rest of the mornings hanging out with other parents and younger siblings.

One of the younger siblings was a 7 month old baby, who's brother just moved to the school this year and is in Liam's class. The baby is commando crawling and used to big kids (with brothers aged 7 and 5), so he managed very well with Mikaela's desire to turn him into her personal pet. And she made a new best friend. And a couple of parents commented on how good she was with him (not like with our poor long suffering cat), so that bodes well.

Aside from that we stayed after school for plays on both days until 3:30 or 4:00pm, and on Wednesday we had Mikaela's swimming lesson straight after parent cafe and then met some friends at the pool, so didn't even make it home until 1/2 an hour before we had to leave for school pickup. Like I said, somewhat hectic, but fun.

Then Thursday Chris did the school run and took Mikaela to parent cafe (she was sad that the baby wasn't there that day), while I went and had a lovely session with my doula, talking about the birth and possible positions - I'd really like to catch the baby this time if I can, and would also really like to avoid a tear - though with scar tissue from two tears in the same spot, that's probably not likely.

I also talked about the fact that I'd like to get to the birth centre a little earlier this time (ie not right as I hit transition!), so I have more time to get into the 'zone'. The tricky part being that my labour barely got established last time before we went in - if I'd waited until I had contractions five minutes apart, like they tell you to, Mikaela would have been born at home. So I'm not quite sure how I'm going to judge that. My doula said she normally does a flow chart for her clients to help them figure out when to call, but I just don't fit the patterns. But anyway...

And then she did a guided relaxation with me and a Reiki session. Yes, I love my doula. :)

Sadly I had to follow that lovely relaxing appointment with a blood test (for iron studies since my stored iron was once again at rock bottom when it was last tested), then get home in time for Chris to go to a physio session. Then we all went to school to help with 'handwork', in Liam's class (they are starting the year by making cushions to sit on - beginning, his week, with painting the fabric), then picked up Liam and went to my cousin's for an after school play.

But today. Well, it hasn't been entirely relaxed, but I at least haven't left the house. I have cleaned out the bassinette, made it up, and set it up in our bedroom though, which is a major achievement. And Chris took Liam to check out new booster seats, since his is too wide to fit in the car with another baby seat.

Unfortunately that trip established that

a) the seat Chris was thinking of for him is too narrow - absolutely no growing room;

b) the next choice might be okay (similar over all width but more roomy in the important places), but was not in stock, and

c) it will be impossible to do the seat belt up on either one if we get a full size seat for the baby - even of the narrower kind we were looking at. We will have to get a compact one. Which is a particular bummer because as of yesterday we thought we wouldn't have to buy one at all, since my cousin's eldest is about to graduate to a booster seat and was going to give us hers. Also, the compact one we think we want wasn't in stock either.

But at least we have a better idea now. I just hope we are able to get them before the baby is actually born!

And now it's time to sort through Mikaela's last year or so of clothes and either pack them away or put them in the op shop box, therefore making room to get out the baby clothes (assuming we can find them!) tomorrow. Yes, we are making progress on my list of 'things to be done before 37 weeks', which is just as well, because 37 weeks is on Monday. 

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*This is not what this post is about, but Liam is also very happy to be back at school. The holidays were just long enough that he was really hanging out for school by the last week. but it's not really terribly exciting aside from that, since it's the same class, same teacher, and they moved into the class two room in the last week of last year. So no sudden shocks, and none of those beginning of year fears that I remember about which teacher you would have and whether you would still be in the same class as your best friends.

Swimming the cure for shyness? (not really, but it can't hurt)

My shy little Mikaela seems to be coming out of herself a little. She's not going to stop being shy (I shouldn't think) - if I hadn't lived through these same years with a little extrovert I might believe all the people who say it's just developmental, but I have, and I don't.

But, she is starting to talk to more to people.

Last term she started swimming lessons. And they were a complete flop. In fact she wouldn't even look at the teacher, who was a young man, much less join in with the lesson. It didn't help that it was the first time he'd taught her age group and she was often the only kid in the class. So after a couple of lessons they let us defer, and they suggested that sometimes the teachers who are also mothers do better with kids like her.

I figured going every day to see the same teacher and class might work better, so we enrolled her in the two week summer intensive programme, with a mother-teacher named Tracey.

On the first day, Kaely did almost none of the class. I went in with her (none of the other parents did, although there was another little girl there who'd never had lessons before), and she did a few things with me. At the very end of the class she did a couple of things with Tracey. But, she was perfectly happy to look and even smile at Tracey right from the start, even though she wouldn't speak to her. But Tracey handled all this fine, not making a fuss, just asking her if she would have a go, for each activity.

Well, the next day was much the same, but Wednesday was a little better and then Thursday was the breakthrough day. She did almost everything, including the high five with Tracey at the end. By the end of the second week she was talking to Tracey, and even to a student teacher who did a few classes with them that week, and doing everything she was asked to do.

So we've enrolled her in a Wednesday class for this term, with the same teacher and at the same level. I'm confident that by the time I have to bring the baby along (ie when Chris goes back to work 6-8 weeks after the baby is born), I won't need to go in with Mikaela at all anymore. And both this morning and yesterday morning one of the first things Mikaela has said to me is "Is it Wednesday yet?", very disappointed to hear that it's not.

But the point of all this is not that she's taken to swimming like a duck to - well, you know. In fact she already loved the water, Chris has been taking her swimming most every week during Liam's classes for a couple of years (or more).

The point is that in the past two weeks she's also started talking to other people. Chris told me that yesterday he was at a checkout at the supermarket with her in the trolley, and she suddenly piped up and told the cashier that she was three. And that Liam was her brother. She *never* does stuff like that.

And two weeks ago (in the first week of swimming) we went for a play-date at one of Liam's friend's houses, and his mother said it's the first time she'd heard Mikaela speak. That's not so surprising, because she normally sees us at school pick-up when Mikaela is either just waking up from a sleep in the car, or busy playing in the sandpit. But what was surprising to me is that she started chatting to this woman almost the moment we go into her house. Then last week we were there again and the child's dad came home, and Mikaela even talked to him! I was astounded I tell you.

Now I'm not really suggesting that the two weeks of swimming classes have had this miraculous effect, I suspect it's more likely that she's at a developmental point where she was ready for both - though I doubt that we would have had the same success with the swimming had we kept with last term's teacher and the weekly classes.

But I am very pleased that it's all going so well. This year we have also enrolled her in a playgroup at the school for the first time, where she will hopefully meet some of the children she'll be in kinder with next year. The main reason I'm keeping the swimming lessons going is to help her get used to the class situation, and interacting with the teacher. I'm not honestly that fussed about the actual swimming skills at this age, though obviously learning basic safety stuff (how to float, dog paddle, get out if she falls in), is valuable. 

Although funnily enough, once she did join in with the class, her skills proved to already be reasonably good, although she's still not too happy about putting her face into the water. I guess all the swimming with Chris has paid off in that sense. Now I'm hoping that the classes and playgroup will pay off such that when she starts sessional-kindergarten (pre-school) next year, she'll be happy for me to leave her there. If not as happy as Liam was,* then at least not horrified by the idea.

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*Weirdly I don't appear to have blogged this at the time, but on Liam's first day of school, Chris and I waited around at the top of the playground (where the class rooms are) until 'going in' time (they have about 15-20 minutes outdoor play before they go in). When that time came, Liam came racing up to change into his indoor shoes, and rushed past us saying "What are you guys still doing here?" - and went in without a backward glance!

Reading with Liam

"When can I read the first Harry Potter book?" Liam asked me the other day.

"When you can read it yourself," I said. Of course, he immediately claimed that he can read it himself in his head, now. Which I know to be untrue. So I amended "When you can read it out loud to me, then."

Now, they don't really start reading books until class two at Orana. In class one (where Liam is now) they learn to write, and they read only what they have written (or what their teacher writes on the board). They haven't done much in the way of phonics yet, although they have learned about the 'magic e' that sits silently at the end of words and makes the preceding vowel long. And they have learned about sentences, pausing (for a count of three no less) after every full stop. I think they'll be learning about 'blends' - 'st', 'tr' 'sh' etc - in their next English main lesson* (at the moment they are in a math main lesson).

So when I said "when you can read it to me", I really meant "maybe next year". However, Liam's response was "Yay, can we start today?" And we did.

When he first opened the book, he was a little dismayed. "I thought the writing would be bigger," he said. But he pushed on, helped by using a book mark under the line to keep his place. We read two pages the first day - me filling in the words he didn't know. I made/helped him 'sound out' a few of the easier words. And I was amazed by some of the words he read without pausing, like 'concentrated'. But he also got lots of quite simple words right some of the time and wrong other times, depending on context and how closely he was paying attention - he's already taken to scanning rather than looking at each word.

I thought he would probably leave it after that experience, but no - we read another page before school the next morning, and then two more that night. But the next day I went to the library and borrowed three Zac Power books - which have large print and are far more age appropriate. We started the first one that afternoon, getting through three chapters before I said 'enough', and then read the other three chapters (finishing the book), before Liam went to bed that night. He then got up before 6:30 the next morning - which was yesterday - and we could hear him out in the living room, reading it aloud again. Which he did again this morning.

We haven't started the next book yet because I've been at work since then, and he had footy training last night so we didn't have our usual before bed reading time. But I promised him we could start it tonight.

I have to say, all in all I'm a pretty proud parent. I know he's behind other kids his age in conventional school systems. But considering where he's up to in his own school program, he's really well advanced. And I can easily see that before we know it he'll be hiding his torch under his pillow at night so he doesn't have to stop reading when we tell him it's lights out time.

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*Main lesson is a Steiner concept I think. They have one long lesson a day - after morning circle time - which is called main lesson. Each main lesson topic runs for two or three weeks, and is either maths, literacy, or social science focussed. Then they have 'practice lessons' later in the day. When they have a maths main lesson, they will still have English practice lessons, but they won't learn new literacy concepts. (Of course, they also have music, handwork, German and Japanese lessons once or twice a week, as well as quite a lot of free play time & organised games time).

Group behaviour, boys and their cliques in school

Via the Twelfth Down Under Feminist Carnival, I've just been reading Andragy: CyberBullying, Feminism, Mean Girls, Queen Bees and Boys, and from there, the bit of Queen Bees and Wannabes that's online at Amazon.

Andra says of Wiseman's book:

I think that Queen Bees is a fine piece of feminist analysis, with racial and sexual prejudices opened up as well. Wiseman points out that she works equally with boys and girls, and that society's definition of masculinity influences boys away from strength, individuality and towards violence, bullying and groups in the same way that definitions of femininity trap girls.

I'd love to read a similar book about boys (though I note from the TOC of Queen Bees that there is a chapter on boys, and I have requested it from my local library). I do feel that ever since Liam began school the influence towards violence and group behaviour has certainly been growing.

He still does plenty of lovely creative play,* plays with girls as well as boys and so on. And I love his teacher and think she is working really well with them to teach them to be courteous, that making sure everyone gets a go is more important than winning a game etc. But the cliques seem to be forming, the popular children and less popular children are finding their places.

And I am starting to feel that I need more information. Liam is a boy, which I plainly am not. And also, he seems to be quite popular. Which, it might surprise you to know, I already was not by his age. I wasn't the lowest of the low at any time, but I was below the middle, right through until the end of year 10.**

So I'm not entirely sure how to teach him to - well, to be nice. To not fall in with group behaviour which is mean to others. To stick up for children who need support. Andra quotes Wiseman:

Boys and men who speak out against sexism or publicly support girls and women run the risk of being ridiculed by their peers as "fags", "sissies", "pussies" or in some circles "sensitive new age guys".

This is the sort of message I am afraid Liam might be picking up from his friend 'Craig'. That being kind, wearing a beany, playing co-operatively etc might may him some kind of 'sissy' (a word I would hope he's never heard, but I'm probably kidding myself), and that there's something wrong with that.

Any book recommendations for me?
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*Am I showing my biases here?
** Year 11 & 12 is at a different school in Canberra, and quite a different experience - for which I was extremely grateful.

A parenting dilemma: bad influences and all that jazz

I think I must be a real parent now. I am stuck with my first real parenting dilemma.*

Liam has made friends - best buddies type friends - with one of the two kids in his class I would really prefer he wasn't friends with at all. I am going to call this friend Craig. Craig is not a bad kid - it could be a LOT worse. He can even be quite charming, in a ratbag sort of way. But he's quite aggressive, doesn't seem very clear about personal boundaries (by which I mean, has no idea, even for a seven year old), appears to watch a lot of the sort of television I would not let Liam near (though this is self reported so may not be true - but he certainly knows a lot about the shows and movies he talks about), and, did I mention quite aggressive?

I think the main thing that concerns me is that Liam seems to be strongly influenced by this kid. Some minor examples: for a while he didn't want to wear his beany to school, because Craig didn't wear one; he won't have bananas with his lunch any more because Craig doesn't eat them. More major issues is the increase in aggressive behaviour in him this year, and particularly in name calling and yelling. I can't, of course, put that all down to his friendship with Craig. Some of it may be the change in environment from the very protected kinder space to class one, some of it may be age appropriate. And there could be other factors I haven't thought of.

I also think Liam is a bit intimidated by him. One day he told me he didn't want to go to school after he'd been off sick for a couple of days, because Craig would yell at him, when asking him where he'd been. Liam *loves* school so I took that quite seriously. I told Liam we could talk to his teacher about it when we got there, so that's what we did. But, first we had to shake off Craig. He really likes Liam, and grabs him (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes not) as soon as we get there - or more often as soon as he gets there. But even though he likes Liam, he can be quite belittling towards him as well.

On this occasion Craig was there first, so he followed Liam into the classroom, where we went to deposit Liam's lunch and then to find his teacher, Margie. I was able to indicate to her that I would like to talk to her, but without Craig around, so she directed him to take down his chair and put his bag away (outside), while she led me and Liam into the little kitchen that comes off the classroom. Craig more or less ignored her and tried to follow. I was bringing up the rear, so I was the one who had to firmly tell him "No, I need to talk to Margie. Sit in your chair," and basically closed the door in his face.

Before I even told her what we were there for, Margie asked me if I'd had many prior dealings with Craig - she said he needs that sort of firm handling, firm boundaries set, but that some parents are intimidated by him and let him walk all over them. I hadn't had much to do with him, but enough I guess!

I asked a teacher-friend for advice, and she suggested nurturing relationships with other kids in the class who we like - remember, he is going to be in this class for seven years - having playdates with them, and avoiding playdates with Craig. So that's what I'm planning to do, as much as possible.

I guess my dilemma comes from the fact that I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. I mean, someone has to play with this kid. And if all the parents with - okay, I'm not sure how to say this without it coming across as completely egotistical, but what I'm trying to say is: this boy could end up being a troubled teen. He could. And if all more involved, boundary-providing parents discourage their kids from playing with him, who is he going to end up with?

Look, I have no idea if Liam would be a 'good influence' on him in the long run. But he might be. On the other hand, Craig might be a horrible influence on Liam. Already, I don't like the effects. What would you do? Or what have you done?

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*First one that springs to mind with my virus-befuddled brain, anyway.

Spiral Walk

I was getting frustrated with facebook not posting my (admittedly long) status update, when it suddenly dawned on me - I should write a blog post about this, not a status update!

I went to the 'spiral walk' at school today - a beautiful reverential ritual involving nearly 60 six- and seven-year-old children with candles, slow marching in time to harp music in and out of a spiral of ivy and red camellias: in the near dark and almost complete silence (except for the music). Wonderful.

Edited to add pic and detail:

This is a picture of the spiral the kids walked around before the lights were turned off (and the kids brought in). They walked into the middle to light their candles, then out again while other kids were still on their way in. There were red camellias placed at about each metre along the ivy, and on their way out they placed their candles next to the camellias, so that by the time they had all gone through, it was a spiral of candles as well as ivy. It looked fantastic.

Once they all came out of the spiral they sat down in the far corner of the room, and one of the teachers told them a story, all still by candle light.

Chris didn't come because he had Kaely (they asked us not to bring toddlers because of the need for quiet for a long period - the whole thing went for about an hour). Liam said to Chris tonight "I wish you could have seen the candles, it was so beautiful."

[It is true, twitter and facebook have at least as much to answer for, in terms of my lack of blogging, as work and study do. But that's a whole nother post.]

Is this normal, or is it something special about Orana?

I love Liam's school. Especially in this beautiful autumn weather.  In the mornings at drop-off Kaely and I walk down with Liam, and hang around for a while.*

This morning we got to school about 8:40 and left at 9:15. I chatted with other kids and parents while Mikaela played in the sand, in the various kid-built 'cubbies', on a log. Once the big kids went inside I stood in the sun pushing Kaely in the cloth 'swing',** which she loves above all else at school.

This afternoon, if it's nice, I'll take a picnic afternoon tea and we'll probably stay at school until about 4pm. There may be other kids and parents about, or there may not, but either way we'll enjoy this autumn weather while it lasts.

Are other schools like this? Or is it something particular about Orana - or about Steiner schools - which makes them such lovely and welcoming places to spend time?

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*Very occasionally I drop Liam off without coming down from the carpark to his class - at his request - but when I do I usually feel a little bereft. He really wants to start taking the bus to school, but I'm not quite ready for that yet.
**This is a swing made out of a very large piece of material which has three ends tied to a horizontal poll. Little kids like Mikaela can climb right inside it, bigger kids make sort of a scoop seat for themselves with their legs hanging out.

TV free month is almost over (and why I am not writing anyway)

We've just about finished a month with no TV (officially it ends at midnight on Sunday), and I have to admit, in some ways it was pretty much a failed experiment.

Some of the things I thought/hoped would happen were:

1. We'd see an improvement in kid behaviour - this was probably the biggest leap, but I really hoped it might work. On the other hand, in terms of it's experimental value we didn't really do it at the right time, since it coincided with school going back and Liam starting class one, which I think has been fairly exhausting for him, despite how much he likes it.
2. I would write more - if not 'real' writing, then at least surely in the blog.
3. We would have more s-x.
4. We would go to bed earlier.
5. The kids would get out of the habit of asking for TV all the time (a very bad habit that developed during the holidays for a number of reasons)
6. I would get out of the habit of using the TV to give me a rest (from parenting) too often.

I think number five was the only one that really worked. The kids definitely did get out of the habit, and Liam in particularly was hardly bothered by it at all -then again, he is used to the no TV on school days rule, since we implemented it at the end of 2007, with his approval. So again, as an experiment the timing was bad.

On the other hand we didn't really do it for it's experimental value, so much as to achieve numbers four and five, because we'd been doing those things way too much in the holidays. And we did achieve those, but there were still lots of times when I desperately wanted to put it on just to give me a break, so I think I will still need to work at being strict with myself after this weekend.

The other way in which the timing sucked was in that I have started working on a new project at work, moreorless on top of my normal work. So although I only work two and half days a week (for money anyway!), on my two full days I've been doing ten or eleven hours and more each day. And the funny part about that is I really haven't been doing that much extra on the new project, but my normal work has happily eaten into the extra time.

I don't really mind the extra work. If I did I wouldn't be doing it. But I can see that I am going to have to be a bit careful about it. For one thing I think Chris and the kids are getting sick of me missing dinner and bedtime. Also, uni starts back this coming week.

For another thing, I have done (virtually) no writing all month.

And for another, I am tired.

Of course, that could be because I've been awake since four o'clock this morning. Thanks kids

Mikaela on school

Everyday this week there was a 'parent cafe' from school drop-off until midday, in what used to be a kindergarten room & playground (now used for playgroups, craft group etc).

We went there are drop-off on both Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday after dropping Liam off at his classroom, Kaely said very hopefully "My class now?"

At the beginning of the week Mikaela was very determined that she was going to school with Liam, but was placated by going to a 'playground' (at the parent cafe). Now she's convinced that that's her class, and I fear is going to be sorely disappointed next week, when there is no cafe on.

Liam, after his first day in class one

Liam "Hi Mum. When do I start after school care?"
Me "You don't."
Liam "Well, can I?"

Things I would be blogging about if I wasn't so tired...

• Web 2.0 in government - it is fun to be getting to be part of this conversation (in my work, not on my blog - because of the tiredness y'see). Interesting post from Lindsay Tanner (and some interesting comments) on his blog at fairfax digital.
• Funny things Mikaela is saying these days - like how she says 'Munooz' for both muesli and music. I keep meaning to record all this for the 'baby book', but I am not doing very well lately.
• How Liam thinks he is going to be Joseph in his school nativity play on Friday morning - he's pretty sure, he says, because he was Joseph again in the practice today and he can carry the candle really straight. This is a sweet little play they do in kindergarten where all the kids sing the whole thing, but some kids also have 'parts', while others are the angels who file in around the outside. It lasts for maybe ten minutes (including the procession in), and then we all get morning tea and school is over for the year.
• The vegie garden, which is finally starting to look like one - we are picking silverbeet and snow peas and stacks of parsley and will very soon be picking zucchinis and cherry tomatoes as well.
• How Liam decided he wanted to get involved in the garden and so he has his own little patch in which we (he and I together) have planted potatos and cucumbers (I know, not really a match companion planting-wise, but they were two things we hadn't been able to fit into the main garden).
• Our littlest Silky chook who has (I think) Mareks disease, which I am treating with, I kid you not, a mix of cranberries, brazil nuts, garlic, plus to drink pomegranate juice and gatorade. I got it from a chook forum (okay, I'll find the link... Backyard Poultry forum), and it seems to be helping.
• Out new car, which we've converted to run on LPG which I'm pretty sure is a good thing (and was helped by a $2000 government rebate) (but how we have to hurry up and sell the old one so I don't get into the habit of driving to work like I did today).
• How hungry I am right now
• But how I need to go to bed and so I think food - and more blogging - will have to wait for another day.
• g'night.

The lovely Orana

We went on a primary school* tour** at Orana yesterday, and oh, it made us wish we'd gone to school there. The hand work they do, the languages and the music, even the academic subjects - it all seemed so wonderful.

In the handwork department, they start finger and french knitting in kindy - Liam can already do those. Then they move on to knitting (plain stitch) and basic sewing in class one, and make themselves a lovely craft bag. They also, I believe, make their own knitting needles. As the classes go on they learn more complicated knitting, following patterns, different stitches and so on (I know they make socks at some point and a beanie at another point by I don't remember when). They also learn embroidery and I think crochet maybe? And felting and fabric painting. And then from class six they start woodwork, which is compulsory through to class ten. They start out making set projects for the first two or three years (in class six they make a wooden spoon and egg - all with hand tools, though they have machines for later years), then they can start designing their own projects. They have photos of things kids have made, like chairs, tables, chests and so on, not just cutlery!

They do music all the way through, starting with recorder in class one. But you know how there are different kind of recorders? Well they learn all three kinds, in classes one, two and five respectively. In class three and four they aer busy doing violin and cello. Of course, they aren't supposed to become proficient in all these instruments, but they get an introduction, including an introduction to the relevant music theory.

They start German and Japanese language and culture studies in class one (though they don't start reading and writing in those languages until class four, initially it's mostly just playing games and stuff) and they are both continued until the end of class seven, at which point they must choose one to continue with.

Class three is the gardening and farming year, so they vegetables that year, but I think they start studying biodynamic growing in class six.

In one of the classes we went into - class six I think - they were doing a main lesson on astronomy, but the teacher explained that at this point they don't talk about things like the sun being at the centre of the solar system, they start with stuff that they can physically observe, like the angle at which the sun sets and rises and the constellations and whatnot. And one the blackboard he had drawn, and coloured in, with chalk some gorgeous pictures - that was common in lots of the classrooms actually. They use a lot of visual - and attractive - aids in the teaching. But one of the highschool maths teachers (whose daughter is in kindy with Liam) was telling us that they also want the child to be able to experience the lesson 'in their body' - even in high school maths. So she has them up and outside measure things and charting things in their trigonometry main lesson, for instance. So it's not that it's all teaching using the visual sense or anything.

In Steiner the key word for the first cycle, the first seven-ish years of life, is safety. The child needs to feel safe. The next seven years (so roughly the primary years, age seven to fourteen) the key word is beauty. And they really do focus throughout those years on making the school and all the classes beautiful.

I am not doing this school tour justice, you really need to be there to see how inspiring it all is. Suffice it to say that we were more than ever convinced that we have chosen the right school for Liam and for our family.
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*primary school=grade school
**As opposed to the kindy tour which we did before Liam started and the high school tour which we'll do at some point in th future.

Kinder chat - creative discipline

On Monday night Chris and I went to a 'kinder chat' at Liam's school, given by a kindergarten teacher, Riita, who was one of the founders of the school and has been teaching kindy there for twenty-five years.

There wasn't anything especially new, but there were a few good reminders for me. Some of them were around basic stuff like needing to have good routines, a beautiful/not chaotic environment (we fall down on that one), good food, proper amounts of sleep and so on. Others were perhaps slightly less obvious:

• This is the age of imitation. Therefore how I want Liam (and Mikaela) to be, is how I have to be. That includes how I want them to talk, how I want them to deal with anger and frustration, and whether I want them to yell (at me, at each other).
  
  • Riita said at school they talk about inside and outside voices, and when the kids yell in the classroom they say to them "That's your outside voice Johnny, it's time for your inside voice now." I've done that with Liam, but somehow I don't think we (he or I) have ever made the connection which Riita made, which is to me also having an inside voice. So I told Liam on Tuesday that I am going to try to keep to my inside voice in the house too. We'll see how I go!
• She talked about concentrating on the positive behaviours and accomplishments. As an example she said at school the children pour their own water from the jug. The only time a teacher will help is if the jug is so full it's too heavy for a child. And when they first do this, they tend to over fill and spill. Then they learn to go and get a cloth and wipe up the water. Next time they pour the water, they will often pour too little, and need more. So when the jug comes back around again the teacher will say "A half a cup is a good amount." And then, when the time comes that the child can pour half a cup successfully, they will say "Look, Johnny can pour a half a cup of water now." (Or something, I don't remember exactly, maybe she says it directly to the child, rather than in the third person.) But they don't ever comment on the times when the child pours too much or too little.
  
  • I know this is really pretty obvious stuff, but I am belabouring it a little because I realised that I am forgetting to do it. And I also notice that once I am a little cranky or impatient, if, for instance, it has taken me 20 minutes of nagging to get Liam to clean his teeth after dinner, then I am even less patient with what are merely a child's normal accidents, like squeezing out too much toothpaste from the new tube, or accidentally wiping it on a towel. Or even things that aren't accidents, like walking around the house with the toothbrush in mouth instead of standing at the sink, as per our rule. It's not an accident, but it's only a minor infringement. Yet I can become quite, quite cross about it, mostly because I am already cross from the twenty minutes of nagging. Anyway...

• Creative discipline. Riita talked also about when a child is having a tantrum (this is a kinder aged child - around 4-6 - not a one-year-old, for instance, though no doubt this approach could be modified), and how you can distract them. She suggested: You might cup your hands together around something special - maybe a gold ring, or even your watch - and you look into a small opening in your hands to see what is there. You might put your hands up to your ear and pretend your special gold ring is talking to you "Oh," you say to your ring, "I can have three wishes?" By this time the child just has to come and look to see what is inside your hands, and you might engage them in the conversation too. "well," you tell your ring, "I wish that we might go to the playground later today," or "I wish that we might go to Grandpa's house this weekend," or whatever. But mind, you then have to follow through on the wish, so that it is "true" and not just a trick.

Basically it gave us a few new ideas, but mostly some good reminders about our own modeling of the behaviour and values we would like to see in our children, and about using distraction rather than chastisement, and acknowledgement of good behaviour and successes rather than failures, as ways of discipline.

Now if only I can get better at putting it all into practice!

Crafty autumn days

Liam's school had their annual autumn picnic on Sunday. Normally I would say 'we' had it, especially since as class co-ordinator of Liam's class I was involved in some of the organisation, but actually I didn't go - I was at home trying to re-write my essay for my master's project (which is driving me up the wall at the moment, but that's a whole other post!).

The autumn picnic is usually a lovely family day, with everything from sack races to sausage sizzles to home made soup to the craft table (the organisation and running of which is job of us kindy parents). This year it turned out to be the coldest day of the season so far, but a good time was still reportedly had by all.

Liam made this gnome and gods-eye at the craft table. Someone showed him how to do blanket stitch and got him started on the gnome and he did the rest himself, and the gods-eye he did completely by himself, having made his first one at the school's Spring Fair last year.

This is one of the things I love about Orana. All the 'hand work' they do. This year Liam has mastered finger knitting and French knitting in kindergarten, he brought home a little basket his teacher sewed for him out of his finger knitting, and is now working on the French knitting - two strands of wool at once too (for both finger and French). They don't learn to write until class one (next year), but this handwork is part of the way they prepare the hands and mind for that sort of handwork. And in class one they also start 'proper' knitting. I think they start with knitting socks or something, and progress to a hat at some point (maybe in a later year though).

I was never very crafty as a child - oh I learned the basics of knitting and French knitting, but I never actually completed a project. I all but failed 'textiles' (sewing, weaving etc) in year seven. I did do a short course in sewing with stretch material when I was about 18, out of which I got a few clothes and my still very basic sewing skills. But that's about it. So I love the fact that Liam is learning some of these basics right at the beginning of school, and will continue to do so through the years.

Meanwhile I, as you know, am going to knit a dishcloth. And I'm going to attempt to make Kaely a sleeping bag. She is fast outgrowing the one she's in now, and I haven't been able to find any in op shops (thrift stores), so I put a request for a size 3 sleeping bag on freecycle,* and someone responded with the offer of a pattern, and said she may even be able come up with some old bits of fleece for me to use. So I'm going to give it a go. I may just become a handy person yet.

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*I find this a challenging part of the whole 'no shopping' compact - asking for things. A lot of stuff I haven't been able to find second hand, and while in some cases that can just mean we don't buy it, some things we really do need. Okay, true, we don't *really* need them. Mikaela could wear a couple of extra layers to bed (she won't keep blankets on yet) and we could move her to a mattress on the floor (she's not safe in the cot without the sleeping bag any more, she can climb out). But... we need them enough, if you know what I mean.

So, I decided to start asking for things on freecycle. That's the whole point, after all, of freecycle - to move things around to where they will be used. But I do find it challenging to ask for 'handouts', especially as there seems to be a general philosophy that it should be more for giving than receiving (for instance I think the rules say you can't put a WANTED on until you've put an OFFER on). So I decided that I would have to put an offer on for every wanted I put on.** Not that that's a bad thing - after all, I am also trying to declutter. But even then, I do find the asking a little confronting. See how I am going into this long explanation about how I put 'offers' on and not just 'wanteds'? I find this discover about myself sort of interesting.

** (Footnote to the footnote:) So far I've put on two wanteds and two offers and got requests for both the offers, but for the wanteds have gotten a loan (which is good actually - it's a mini tramp for Chris to work his ankle on, and we're happy to be able to give it back at the end) and the offer of advice on how to make the item. So if this goes on the decluttering could become a reality. I still need to find things to put up for offer so I can request boys size 4/5 PJs, long sleeve tops & long pants - which I am counting as three separate requests. I am sort of wishing I kept those bags of clothes I finally give to Vinnie's (charity) the other week though.

Trying to remember the effect of exhaustion on children's behaviour

Liam's in the middle of a big weekend.

Yesterday after school (which finishes at 12:30 on Fridays in the kindergarten) we had his friend R over until his Dad could come get him after work, which ended up being about 6:00. Then we up and decided to go out to dinner,  despite still being on a spending freeze, despite Liam being of course quite exhausted. I don't think Kaely's ever been out to dinner before, that's how often we do this (Liam might have been out two or three times in his life before). But she'd had a long nap - normally I wake her by 3pm to ensure an orderly bedtime, but with R here all afternoon I decided to cut myself some slack and she ended up sleeping until 4:15! - so she was fine.

Then today we had another friend, S, in the afternoon. When her mum came to get her (shortly after five) she and Liam were just about to start colouring in*, so her mum dashed off to the shops and they ended up not going till I guess fairly close to six too. We also had visits with my mum and from Chris's dad today, so it's been a social sort of day.

And finally tomorrow - forecast to be the coldest day of the season so far, truly wintry - they have the autumn picnic on at Liam's school, which is the big family event of the season. I'm not going, because it's my writing day and I only have three weekends left before it's all due in (gotta try doing a substantial re-write of the essay tomorrow). I was feeling quite sad about missing it, but now I've seen the forecast, I'm feeling sort of lucky. Chris and the kids will still go though. And I imagine they'll have lots of fun.

But, even this morning Liam was already showing signs of being tired, after his big day yesterday. By this evening he was getting quite annoying (though he was fine up until the moment S left), and I really had to try to remember that he's overtired. By tomorrow night I hate to think what he'll be like. And unfortunately he has swimming after school Monday. After this sort of weekend I would probably keep him home from that, but it's the last class of the term, and he doesn't go back until Spring as the centre is closing down for the winter to do some work. I'm almost wondering if I should keep him home from school Monday instead. I guess I'll play it by ear, but either way I must remember: Liam is tired, and tired children find it hard to behave 'well'. Must remember!

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*Before this, in the three or so hours S had been here, they had built a boat (a box with a small broom for a mast), played with cars, done chalk drawing outside on the driveway in the freezing cold (but under cover from the on-again off-again light rain), rolled wool into small balls suitable for making gods-eyes, started making gods-eyes, and very briefly played with lego. S had also had fun playing outside with Mikaela, and told me several times she wished Kaely was her little sister.

Free play builds intellect

After school yesterday we had a play date with one of Liam's best friends, B, who doesn't go to 'our' school, but goes to one nearby, and two other mutual friends (twins) who used to go to B's school but now goes to Liam's.

The kindergarten playgrounds are enclosed, but the class one & two playground is out in the open, so we sometimes go down there after school finishes for a play, and that's what we did.

The boys (and one girl, B's four-year-old sister) played really well together, for over two hours. By the time we finally dragged them away it was getting dark and I had to call Chris to warn him that he'd be home before us, and could he please get something out of the freezer for dinner.

They played with sticks and logs and rocks and dirk (mud, really) building a 'dam' below a pond that the class-two children had built during the day. They filled it with bore water from a tap, using a big saucepan they found in the sandpit. It did leak a bit, but overall I have to say they did an amazing job, working together with virtually no supervision (their mum's being busy talking and supervising the toddlers), and no noticeable conflict.

One of the things their mum's were talking about was the importance of free play. B's mum, S, (one of my S friends) was telling us some recent research she'd heard about, that found that at this age free play is the most important factor in developing intellect.  And as we watched them 'working' none of us found that at all surprising. S's kids don't go to the Steiner school (though she's torn about it), but since free play is what they are doing a good 80% of the time in the Steiner kindy, the other two of us were able to feel quite smug.

The non-post, which quickly became Me Rabbiting On

From the claytons post direct to the non-post, and I haven't made it two weeks of posting every day yet. I wonder if this spells doom of my plans to make it through the entire month?

Two people I know IRL and one online (but not through blogging) are currently pregnant and happy about it - two via IVF one via an accident (though they were planning to start trying within a couple of months, just hadn't quite got there yet).

I am tired tired tired. Yet the idea of having a newborn in the house does not fill me with dread. Maybe that's just because I'm too tired to feel dread. Actually, I wouldn't want to have one right now. Kaely is not quite two and still seems waaay to young to me to introduce another baby into the house. All those people who have the second when their first is under two (or even under three, truth be told) are amazing to me. How they manage, but more than that, how they can even contemplate having another one early enough to have produced another one that quickly is totally beyond me.

Kaely is seeming quite a bit better, by the way, but still very grumpy.

I went to pilates tonight. I've been doing it since about three months before we started trying to get pregnant with Mikaela. I told my cousin (after her second baby in as many years) that doing pilates is just a price of having children and really must be done. A very middle class perspective.

I start back at work in only about 6 or 7 weeks. Seven I guess. Not sure how I feel about that yet, but it will be for a different government department than the one I left, because of the shuffling of portfolios with the new government, so that's sort of exciting. Or perhaps exciting is too strong a word, but you know what I mean I'm sure.

Liam's school has it's annual Autumn picnic this Sunday, but I can't go because I'll be writing. The deadline approacheth fast. I'm also missing one of his best friend's birthday parties the following week for the second or third year in the row for the same reason.

And now that I have rabbited on and on I am going to bed.

Where have all my friends gone?

Liam had his first day in full kindergarten on Tuesday.

It's not much different to last year - same classroom, same teacher, same routine - just more days, and different kids.

The different kids is the hard part right now. Liam loved school last year, and was really looking forward to it starting again (for weeks he's been telling me to call his teacher and ask if they can start NOW). But I big part of his excitement was caught up in playing the same games with the same kids. So when he got there on Tuesday and most of his friends weren't there - having gone up to class one, after doing their year of 'full kinder' last year - he looked very lost.

To me that is. I watched him, standing in the middle of this huge sandpit, waiting for his best friends A and G to show up, and almost got teary. Actually I did. I wondered whether I should have told him, even just that morning, so that he wouldn't be waiting and wondering. His teacher had said not. She said if you tell them they will just worry. Let them enjoy their holidays, and when they get here they'll find out, and they'll be fine.

When I picked him up I asked him how it was, and he, as usual, said it was great. I asked if it was as good as he remembered and he said no, because it was different kids. But he said it quite cheerfully, and he was just as keen to go to school today as he was Tuesday (Wednesdays he has off still).

But today I ran into the mother of one of his old friends in the car park, and saw another but only at a distance. And on the way home I felt all sad again, but I realised: this time I wasn't feeling sad for him, I was feeling sad for me. These mothers, my friends who I hung out with at drop off and pick up last year, have moved on without me. Sure, I'll still see them around, we'll still have a few play dates (when they can be fitted in around school - weekends I suppose), but it won't be the same. They've moved on, and I'm still in kinder. And I'm going to miss them.

Today we had our first school fair as actual parents at Orana

We've been to the Orana Spring Fair most years (maybe every year) since Liam was born, but this was the first one as bonafide members of the school community - with jobs to do and everything.

The fair went from eleven to three, and we got there between 11:30 and 12:00. Next year we will get there right at the start. Even though there was a freezing cold wind and Mikaela hadn't had a nap, we filled the entire day and felt like we hardly did any of the fair activities. And Mikaela, tired as she was, had a ball.

We did go up to see the puppet show in one of the kindergartens. Which is to say, Liam went in and watched the puppet show, while Chris and I hung out admiring the playground with Mikaela. The Orana school grounds are all gorgeous and currently full of flowers, but I think the kindergarten playgrounds are the best. There are four kindies with two enclosed playgrounds (ie two sharing each playground), and they have created just wonderful environments for five year olds to play. These photos (taken on my phone) don't do it justice at all - especially they don't show all colours of the roses and campanulas and all the other flowers are that are in bloom right now. But you get a rough idea.

Aside from that we saw some of the Maypole dances, bought a few books and plants, plus of course some yummy food, and then spent the last couple of hours hanging around the children's activities, where I was rostered on to help. I don't know that I was a lot of help except with the pack up, but I learned to make a god's eye, and someone else helped Liam make a garland and a fishing pole (with magnet on the end). He had a go at a godseye too, but it didn't turn out as beautiful as mine :)

Usually I go to the plant stall at the end and buy lots of plants when they're all 50c each, but I couldn't do that this time, being rostered for packup elsewhere. However, we did score a bag of kids clothes free. They had an end of fair special of $5 for a bag full, which my Mum kindly took advantage of for us, but by the time she went to pay they'd packed up the money! So that was a nice little bonus for the day. I do love free clothes. We are still getting quite a few handmedowns for Mikaela, but not so much for Liam these days.

A TV imagination

One of the reasons that Liam's (Steiner) school strongly encourages us to limit television time (and have no TV before school) is that they say it limits their imagination - it's too prescritive, basically.

So Liam came home from school the other day and told me they'd been playing a game called 'Road Runner', in which Road Runner drove a fast car, a wolf fought Road Runner's enemies, and a bird hung out with Road Runner (I doubt he knows that road runner's are themselves birds). The funny thing is that Liam has no idea that this is based on a television show, and I wouldn't be surprised to discover none of his friends do either. They might, but it might also just be a game that has been passed down from previous generations in the class. After all, I've never heard of Road Runner driving a car - I think that's just an assumption they made from the name.

The same day he told me they'd been playing 'Heros' in which one of the heros was named TJ and there was a doctor named 'Sidikin' (or something like that) - except they couldn't find anyone to play Sidikin. I'm guessing this is also based on some TV show, but I have no idea what it is.

More on Liam in School

On the weekend Liam said to me "I love school. But it won't be as much fun once the teaching starts."

I didn't let on that the teaching already has started! But I did tell him that it was just going to go on being the way it was last week. There was an unfortunate episode in The Wishing Chair Again with Mister Grimm's school for bad brownies that I foolishly didn't skip which had Liam quite nervous about school for a while last year. I think it is still influencing his idea of what school might be like.

However, this week he loves it just as much as last week.

Liam is a big boy now

Liam starts school tomorrow. I'm not quite sure how he's feeling about it, but I'm feeling excited and nervous on his behalf.

He'll have one friend in his class (and that friend will already know two or three other kids) but no-one else he knows. I'll be leaving him in a group of around 12, with one friend, one teacher... Not something he's ever done before. I've left him with other people, but not with people he didn't know. He's been saying he needed to get to know his teacher better, lets call her Jane,  before he starts, so we went in today after school to spend a bit of time in the classroom while she packed up, and in the yard while she staked up a few new trees they planted last week (I cleared this with her on Friday).

School started today, but Liam's only there Tuesdays and Thursdays this year. He's in a mixed 4/5-5/6 -year-old class, so some kids are there three or four days and some only two. He barely spoke to Jane today, but he had fun playing and seems quite keen to go in the morning. We stayed for about a half hour this afternoon and he wasn't ready to leave.

So I'm a little nervous, but also excited for him. I loved primary school, especially the first few years. And Orana is looking to be a lovely school. And Jane is looking like being a lovely teacher.

School teachers

One of the things that worries me slightly about our plan to send Liam to the local Steiner school is that he will have one core teacher from first grade through to eighth grade. What if that teacher sux (it does happen you know), or even if s/he doesn't suck, but just has a personality clash with Liam?

One of the good things, I hear, about having the one teacher move with the kids is that when they do have a 'difficult' child in their class, or a difficult relationship with one student, they tend have a greater motivation to work with the child - since they can't just pass him or her on to someone else the next year. This makes good sense, but still I do worry about it a little - a teacher can have such a major impact on a kid's self image at that stage, and on their engagement with school and learning in general.

On the other hand, Chris and I were just discussing our school experiences, and I realised that I had 3-4 teachers in my classes for all but two years of primary school. That means I was in classes of 90-120 kids, and had a different teacher for each subject. I don't feel like any of those teachers got to know me well. Aside from my year six maths teacher, I doubt any of them would even remember me.

My year six maths teacher, Mrs Edelstein (I think that's right), took a particular interest in me,  wondering why I was still on book 15 out of about 35 when I seemed quite bright (these were books we'd been working through since about year 2): she took me through a few questions from each book and discovered I knew them all, that I was still on book 15 because I was bored, not interested in working through zillions of exercises on things I already knew. And in point of fact I hadn't worked through most of those 15 books either, I'd just been arbitrarily moved up a few books at the beginning of each year.

Which makes my point beautifully. Until that particular teacher, no-one had noticed that I was in the wrong maths class. Maths was streamed, but because I was not getting through the books at the proper pace, I was never in the top class. I wasn't an overachiever by any means, but I was bright, and I loved maths. At least, I loved the theory - I never loved doing exercise after exercise for no observable reason. But I was quiet and respectful so the teachers didn't tend to notice (or didn't have time to care) that I paired that with doing next to no work.

What this meant was that when I went to high school and was put in the top maths class I was already behind - I'd missed out, for instance, on learning about negative numbers, which the kids in the top maths class in my primary school had learned while I was busy helping other kids in my (lower) class with their fractions. All of which in the long run led to me barely passing maths by the time I got to college (year 11) and calculus, and while I admit a little more self motivation (and the ability to ask for help) would have helped, I also think that a primary school where it took four years for the teachers to notice what level I was really at is a sad excuse for a school.

So while I do worry about what we will do if Liam gets a teacher who he/we really have a problem with (maybe home-school), I am also really glad that his teacher will have a chance to get to know him really well, and I hope that it will mean his needs are met more directly than mine were.